Janet Evanovich Quotes

“Ranger was grinning. "Somebody beat the shit out of this guy before he got shot."
"That would be me."I said.
"Babe,"Ranger said, the grin widening.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn."
"She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action."

-Ranger and Stephanie”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“You've been busy using your breaking and entering skills," I said.
"I just enter. I don't usually break."
"You broke down Pitch's door."
"Lost my temper."

-Ranger and Stephanie”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“Yeah, I'm a thief."

"Honey, that's such a turn-on."

He reached for her, and she jumped away.

"Stand down," Kate said. "My hands are lethal weapons."

Nick backed her against the wall and leaned into her. "I've go a better lethal weapon than you do," he said. "Wanna see it?"

"No!"

Good lord, she could feel his lethal weapon pressing against her belly. It was big and hard. And as much as she hated to admit it, his big, hard weapon was exactly what she needed. She looked down and gasped because it was so perfect.

"Is this for me?" she asked.

"Absolutely," he said. "Take it if you want it."

"I want it," she said. "I really, really want it."

It was a Toblerone bar. Giant size.”
― Janet Evanovich, The Heist

“I hate shopping for clothes," Kate said. "I liked when I was in the military and all I needed was camouflage gear."

"Shopping can be fun. Especially when it's for a con. It's the first step in creating a character. Isn't there anything you enjoy buying? Lingerie? Shoes? Jewelry?"

"Shoes are okay. I don't have to take my clothes off to try them on."

"You don't like to take your clothes off?"

"It's the lighting in the dressing rooms. It makes you look fat and anemic. And pulling clothes on and off wrecks my hair."

Nick put his hand on her head and ruffled her hair. "Like this?"

Kate jumped away. "Stop it! I have enough hair problems without you making it worse."

"Maybe if you ran a brush through it once in a while."

"Maybe if you'd keep your hands off it!"

Nick grinned and hugged her into him. "Are we a team, or what? Stick with me and I'll get you to enjoy taking your clothes off."

"You're flirting with me."

"Stating a fact," Nick said.”
― Janet Evanovich, The Heist

“Her brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and her flawless skin had a slight sheen from her dash across the parking lot and up the stairs. Sexy, but he suspected the fantasy the sheen inspired was better than the reality. She was the job. Probably wore Kevlar to bed. End of story. Still, he did enjoy playing with her. He liked her big blue eyes, cute little nose, slim athletic body, and her earnest dedication to making the world a more law-abiding place. It made his dedication to crime much more interesting.”
― Janet Evanovich, The Heist

“You don’t have to be there to be there.”
― Janet Evanovich, The Heist

“Ranger was definitely wow. He stood half a head taller than me. He was perfectly toned muscle, and he had classic Latino good looks. He always smelled great. He dressed only in black. His eyes were dark. His hair was dark. His life was dark. Ranger had lots of secrets.”
― Janet Evanovich, Twelve Sharp

“It's not a nice thing to send a penis to a woman. It's disrespectful.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“As much as I disliked Eddie Kuntz, I could sort of identify with a man who got a stiffie over banana cream pie.”
― Janet Evanovich, Four to Score

“They were actually sitting at a table, like two old friends, not like the hunter
and the hunted. And it wasn't especially awkward. They were comfortable together,
despite the fact that she'd hit him with a bus. Maybe his scheme would work.”
― Janet Evanovich, The Heist

“One minute I was having a day like any other , and then Whack an this guy didn’t have no head“ Lula Finger Lickin 15”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“Sure, he was attracted to her, but women always had to go beyond that.
Women [had] nesting fantasies. It wasn't long before they were
redecorating your apartment and criticizing your choice of mustard.”
― Janet Evanovich, The Heist

“What time is it?" Lula asked. "I might need a doughnut. Is it doughnut time?"
"I'm thinking about eating healthier," I said. "More vegetables and fewer doughnuts."
"What's that about?"
"I don't know. It just came over me."
"It's a bad idea. What do I look like, Mr. Green Jeans? How would it sound if I said it's vegetable time? People would think I was a nut. Nobody gets a craving for a vegetable. And I'm the one on the diet. What am I gonna do with one carrot or one asparagus? They are not mood enhancers, if you see what I'm saying."
"I see what you're saying, but there aren't any doughnuts between here and Ernie's house."
"I guess I could wait. And maybe you're right about the healthy eating. I'm gonna get a carrot cake doughnut.”
― Janet Evanovich, Sizzling Sixteen

“Honey, Half the women in NJ have sold him their cannolli -Conie to Stephanie about Joe Morelli (One for the money)”
― Janet Evanovich, One for the Money