Penises Quotes

“Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.”
― Roseanne Barr

“John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’ penis would be larger than your penis.”.....
..."Fuck all of you,” John retorted. “You don’t even exist. We’re all just a figment of my cock’s imagination.”
― David Wong, John Dies at the End

“College feminists made fun of skyscrapers, saying they were phallic symbols. They said the same thing about space rockets, even though, if you stopped to think about it, rockets were shaped the way they were not because of phallocentrism but because of aerodynamics. Would a vagina-shaped Apollo 11 have made it to the moon? Evolution had created the penis. It was a useful structure for getting certain things done. And if it worked for the pistils of flowers as well as the inseminatory organs of Homo sapiens, whose fault was that but Biology's? But no--anything large or grand in design, any long novel, big sculpture, or towering building, became, in the opinion of the "women" Mitchell knew at college, manifestations of male insecurity about the size of their penises.”
― Jeffrey Eugenides, The Marriage Plot

“I want to make love to you, Rhone. I want to fill your ass with my penis and fuck you until you love it just as much as I do. I want to suck your dick and eat your balls until your cum coats my tongue and throat. I want you to do the same to me. I want to come inside you, in your mouth, in your ass, on your chest, marking you as mine in a way you can feel even when I’m not by your side. That’s what I want. It’s what I’ve wanted ever since you told me I could have a different, better life and then took the time to care and to show me how to care about myself. I want everything you can give, and I want to offer you everything that I am.”
― Cameron Dane, Finding Home

“Even the world’s greatest actor cannot fake an erection.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Kevin doesn't just wake up with that spiky bedhead look, Pudge. He works for it. He loves that hair. They leave their hair products here, Pudge, because they have duplicates at home. All these boys do. And do you know why?''
''Because they're compensating for their tiny penises?'' i asked.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“The power of the man, with a mind shut down. The strength of the super human. The survival of the species. The deafness of a beast. That's the power of the penis.”
― Deborah Ainslie, All Flowers Are Not Yellow

“Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“And eventually in that house where everyone, even the fugitive hiding in the cellar from his faceless enemies, finds his tongue cleaving dryly to the roof of his mouth, where even the sons of the house have to go into the cornfield with the rickshaw boy to joke about whores and compare the length of their members and whisper furtively about dreams of being film directors (Hanif's dream, which horrifies his dream-invading mother, who believes the cinema to be an extension of the brothel business), where life has been transmuted into grotesquery by the irruption into it of history, eventually in the murkiness of the underworld he cannot help himself, he finds his eyes straying upwards, up along delicate sandals and baggy pajamas and past loose kurta and above the dupatta, the cloth of modesty, until eyes meet eyes, and then”
― Salman Rushdie, Midnight’s Children

“No more men. I swear it. They’re nothing but trouble. Them, and their damned penises.”
― Rosanna Leo, The Selkie

“Captain,” I said after ten steps, without breaking stride. “I do understand that this is the Genitalia Festival. But when you say genitalia, doesn’t that usually mean genitals generally? Not just one kind?” For all the steps I’d taken, and as far down the corridor as I could see, the walls were hung with tiny penises. Bright green, hot pink, electric blue, and a particularly eye-searing orange.”
― Ann Leckie, Ancillary Sword

“You could paint my nob tartan and call it Throb Roy.”
― Timothy Lea, Confessions from a Nudist Colony

“... I discovered from my time in the brothel that men's members, if bitten off or otherwise severed, do not grow again. This seems a great mistake on the part of nature, since men are so careless with their members and will put them anywhere without thinking.”
― Jeanette Winterson, Sexing the Cherry

“There was said to be measuring of penises at the Orchid, but was it true and if so what did that mean?”
― Larry McMurtry, The Last Kind Words Saloon

“What do you do?”
“I make custom penises.” Casey tapped the palm of his hand, beaming Paladin the address of a server packed with information on how to design and order the sex organs you’d always wanted.”
― Annalee Newitz, Autonomous

“Masculinity is mainly a construct of conditioned feelings around people with penises.”
― Grayson Perry, The Descent of Man

“The handicap of a tiny manhood is as much a choice and laughing matter as the arms of a thalidomide”
― Tim Watts

“Aa, så är det alltså. Söder är på den här sidan så era snoppar pekar alltså...Vidare, söder ut!”
― Emma Hamberg, Au revoir Agneta

“You're going to be the president of your frat," Daddy had told him. Dylan considered this honor, then dropped his pants and screamed, "Look at my penis!" "See, you're halfway there," Daddy had said.”
― Gary Shteyngart, Vera, or Faith