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I hold my hand up to stop her from talking any further. "You know what? I think it's time for twat one and twat two to go on about their business."
“Who are you going swimming with?” Kinsley asked again.
“You’re not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition,” I replied.
“Stop changing the subject! With whom do you plan to swim?!”
― Settling the Score
“You’re not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition,” I replied.
“Stop changing the subject! With whom do you plan to swim?!”
― Settling the Score
“I start to drift back to sleep when my traitorous nose sends SOS signals to my stomach about the bacon-filled air floating under my door. Being the little bitch my stomach is, she betrays me in the nastiest way and grumbles loudly, churning in on herself, begging for a slice of bacon.”
― My Best Friend's Ex
― My Best Friend's Ex
“the locker room,” Alex counters. “No way, it has to be on the ice. He’s going to take her to the rink tonight, flip on the scoreboard and play porn while he fucks her over the goal. They’re both wearing skates of course, porn everywhere, blaring through the speakers, there’s a hockey stick involved somehow, and he’s all veiny and sweaty and says things like my semen are scoring tonight.”
― Three Blind Dates
― Three Blind Dates
“Yeah, about a guy who was jogging by you this morning. You said his penis was swaying like the wrecking ball in Miley Cyrus’s music video and he needed to wear man panties rather than free-ballin’ it.”
― Three Blind Dates
― Three Blind Dates
“Danny . . . dearest man who serves me booze. Do you see the way my eyes are flitting back and forth? Can you feel the crazy exuding from them?” He nods, swallowing hard. “This is my third date here, okay? This is my third time trying to find somebody to love me after two failed attempts from this supposedly perfect matchmaking system. I’m feeling a little out of control, mildly psychotic, and you know what, I will just say it, slightly turned on.” Shit, I didn’t want to say that to Danny. Shaking that thought, I continue, “So please be a gent, and scamper behind your little bar and give me more whiskey. Got it?”
― Three Blind Dates
― Three Blind Dates
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