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and I would have gotten in a huge fight with a TSA agent over the alligator skull I was trying to bring on the plane in my carry-on because I would have been wound up and looking for an outlet.”
“He pushes through a door and you can hear Lauren say, “What the hell, Alex? Did you—?” “It’s Hayden Fucking Holmes. Look, he’s on the FaceTime. Look!” “What?” Lauren twists the phone so she’s looking at the screen and . . . cue the screaming. “Oh my GOD!!! It’s Hayden Fucking Holmes!” There is nothing to really do but laugh, and laugh hard. Hayden and I sit there, our chests falling up and down, chuckling together as Lauren and Alex freak out. “I need to show him my boobs,” Lauren says. “Unzip my dress, Alex, undo my bra.” “On it,” he calls out, as if his wife showing Hayden her boobs is the most natural thing ever. Hayden looks at me and mouths, “He’s okay if she shows me her boobs?” I snort and roll my eyes. There really are no words to explain the insanity that is my brother and sister-in-law.”
― Three Blind Dates
― Three Blind Dates
“Oh my GOD! He’s coming over to your house, isn’t he? I can smell it. I can smell the promise of sweaty, hot hockey sex in the air.” “What’s hockey sex?” Alex asks. “You know . . . the kind where he rips her clothes off, lifts her above his head, and eats her out while spinning around the room like he’s on the ice.” “That’s not fucking hockey sex. That’s figure-skating sex. Hockey sex is more like she holds pucks over her nipples while he fucks her on the bench in”
― Three Blind Dates
― Three Blind Dates
“Shemar Moore is so hot,” Clove laughed. “He is. They should make the entire show about him solving cases with his shirt off.”
― Any Witch Way You Can
― Any Witch Way You Can
“Danny . . . dearest man who serves me booze. Do you see the way my eyes are flitting back and forth? Can you feel the crazy exuding from them?” He nods, swallowing hard. “This is my third date here, okay? This is my third time trying to find somebody to love me after two failed attempts from this supposedly perfect matchmaking system. I’m feeling a little out of control, mildly psychotic, and you know what, I will just say it, slightly turned on.” Shit, I didn’t want to say that to Danny. Shaking that thought, I continue, “So please be a gent, and scamper behind your little bar and give me more whiskey. Got it?”
― Three Blind Dates
― Three Blind Dates
“the locker room,” Alex counters. “No way, it has to be on the ice. He’s going to take her to the rink tonight, flip on the scoreboard and play porn while he fucks her over the goal. They’re both wearing skates of course, porn everywhere, blaring through the speakers, there’s a hockey stick involved somehow, and he’s all veiny and sweaty and says things like my semen are scoring tonight.”
― Three Blind Dates
― Three Blind Dates
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