“Yet I also recognize this: Even if everyone in the world were to accept me and my illness and validate my pain, unless I can abide myself and be compassionate toward my own distress, I will probably always feel alone and neglected by others.”
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“If unloving mothers were able to see their behavious as abusive, they either would stop behaving that way or they would get help for their dysfunction. But many cannot: instead, they deny it, to themselves, their families, and the world at large, in order to avoid a sense of guilt, to avoid having to make changes in their lives, or to avoid the bruising awareness that they, too, were unloved children.”
― When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life
― When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life
“invalidation is crazy-making, and it is also at the root of gaslighting, where victims' feelings are purposely denied or manipulated in order to make them question their sanity.”
― How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family
― How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family
“Beneath the surface of the protective parts of trauma survivors there exists an undamaged essence, a Self that is confident, curious, and calm, a Self that has been sheltered from destruction by the various protectors that have emerged in their efforts to ensure survival. Once those protectors trust that it is safe to separate, the Self will spontaneously emerge, and the parts can be enlisted in the healing process”
― The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
― The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
“We propose that BPD involves secondary structural dissociation. Consistent with this, Golynkina and Ryle (1999) found that patients with BPD encompassed a dissociative part of the personality that seems to represent an ANP (a coping ANP) and more than one EP (abuser rage, victim rage, passive victim, and zombie). Some patients with BPD have severe dissociative symptoms, and may actually border on DDNOS or DID. Our clinical observations suggest that dissociative parts in BPD patients have less emancipation and elaboration, and less distinct sense of self than in DDNOS or DID.”
― The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization
― The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization
Nik’s 2025 Year in Books
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