Daria

“It’s a bad case o’ the thinkin’ he’s caught, missus. When a man starts messin’ wi’ the readin’ and the writin’ then he’ll come doon with a dose o’ the thinkin’ soon enough. I’ll fetch some o’ the lads and we’ll hold his heid under water until he stops doin’ it, ‘tis the only cure. It can kill a man, the thinkin’.”
― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

“An' writin' even goes on sayin' a man's wurds after he's deid! Ye cannae tell me that's right!”
― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

“And then there was the headless horseman!" said Tiffany. "He had no head!"
"Well, that is the major job qualification," said the toad.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men

“Humans. Sometimes they make chimps look smart.”
― Katherine Applegate, The One and Only Ivan