Jaclyn

“A few nights later, I secretly hope that I might be a genius. Why else can no amount of sleeping pills fell my brain? But in the morning my daughter asks me what a cloud is and I cannot say.”
― Jenny Offill, Dept. of Speculation

“She says Ariel is going to interview me after she's done and he's going to ask me how many golf balls can fit into a stretch limo, and the right answer is to make reasonable estimates on the spot, maybe say, "It's probably like 100 golf balls high by 60 golf balls wide by 1,000 golf balls long," and to look like I'm thinking really hard, and then just do the math in my head and give him the answer. I ask, "Out of curiosity, what would a wrong answer be?" She says, "Freaking out about the question.”
― David Shapiro, You're Not Much Use to Anyone

“When you have cat stealers over for tea, you clean the house, buy bagels and cream cheese, and try to figure out how to trap your guests in a lie.”
― Caroline Paul, Lost Cat: A True Story of Love, Desperation, and GPS Technology

“No one is yet using figuratively to mean literally; the confusion, such as it is, is all in one direction.”
― Ammon Shea, Bad English: A History of Linguistic Aggravation