Rori

“John and I have made this stuff our hobby, in the way that an especially attractive prisoner makes a hobby out of not getting raped. Jesus, that’s a terrible analogy. I apologize. What I’m saying is that it’s self-preservation. We didn’t choose this, we just have talents that makes us the equivalent of that new guy in the cell block who has a slim, hairless body and kind of looks like a woman from behind, and has an incredibly realistic tattoo of boobs on his back. He may have no desire at all to ever even touch a penis, but it’s going to happen, even if it’s just in the process of frantically slapping them away. Jesus, am I still talking about this? [John—please delete the above paragraph before it goes off to the publisher].”
― David Wong, This Book Is Full of Spiders

“He whipped the chair around and actually split one of the things in half with the impact, spilling the spray of blood that was reflective, like mercury.
John bellowed, "Anyone else want to donate blood to chair-ity?"
He ducked into the the door and bashed one monster right in the wig, screaming, "There's some dessert! With a chair-y on top!”
― David Wong, John Dies at the End

“Son, the greatest trick the Devil pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him.”
― David Wong, John Dies at the End

“Reality is like a fruitcake; pretty enough to look at but with all sorts of nasty things lurking just beneath the surface.”
― A. Lee Martinez, Gil's All Fright Diner