Mark

“Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?”
― George Carlin

“I don't want to wrong anybody, so I won't go so far as to say that she actually wrote poetry, but her conversation, to my mind, was of a nature calculated to excite the liveliest of suspicions. Well, I mean to say, when a girl suddenly asks you out of a blue sky if you don't sometimes feel that the stars are God's daisy-chain, you begin to think a bit.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Right Ho, Jeeves

“I can't sit still and see another man slaving and working. I want to get up and superintend, and walk round with my hands in my pockets, and tell him what to do. It is my energetic nature. I can't help it.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men in a Boat

“Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.”
― Bill Watterson