keri.

“I have never—and I mean ever—had a real desire to let otherwise-unaccounted-for money just chill in my bank account unmolested for more than maybe a week and a half. I barely have the willpower to leave other people’s money alone for the short time it’s in my custody. Money that isn’t earmarked for some pressing (transportation/pharmaceutical/credit card balance) need?! Why, yes, I do need fourteen nearly identical blushes, thank you.”
― Samantha Irby, We Are Never Meeting in Real Life.

“Why isn’t there a reality TV show filled with hot guys doing sweaty, mouthwatering tasks?
Oh, right. That’s called sports”
― Cora Carmack, All Broke Down

“The efficient orgasm is the most productive moment of the day, because, apocalyptically, it has wiped the slate clean, and no one will ever know about it. What are you going to do now? Most of the time you could go back to reading. Some of the time you fantasize about a ragtag group of strangers thrown together by circumstance who go on a quest for some orgasm big enough to leave them wanting something different than they wanted before.

Like what? Gross food? Ugly stuff? Feeling like crap? Not understanding anything?

All you do is lie in bed with no underwear, trying to think of something bigger and better.”
― Lucy Corin, One Hundred Apocalypses and Other Apocalypses

“Brew is mainly a run-blocking coach. He has only a nominal interest in the passing game. His bailiwick is biting someone in the fucking neck! He likes to get dirty. By that I mean that he likes for us to get dirty.”
― Nate Jackson, Slow Getting Up: A Story of NFL Survival from the Bottom of the Pile