Deanna

“People who are self-denying and selfless have little to offer to others.”
― Robert W. Firestone, The Fantasy Bond : Structure of Psychological Defenses

“We acquire a sense of worth either by realizing our talents, or by keeping busy, or by identifying ourselves with something apart from us--be it a cause, a leader, a group, possessions and the like. Of the three, the path of self-realization is the most difficult. It is taken only when other avenues to a sense of worth are more or less blocked. Men of talent have to be encouraged and goaded to engage in creative work. Their groans and laments echo through the ages. Action is a highroad to self-confidence and esteem.”
― Eric Hoffer, The Passionate State of Mind: And Other Aphorisms

“Because of the anxiety inherent in being vulnerable and undefended in a new love relationship, an individual unconsciously attempts to merge and form a unit with the loved one. In forming a bond, the lover is able to alleviate anxiety and attain a false sense of security and safety by sustaining the illusion of being fused. The fantasy of being connected functions as a defense, for whenever this bond is broken, the underlying pain and fear of separation invariably surface.”
― Robert W. Firestone, The Fantasy Bond : Structure of Psychological Defenses

“In contrast to emotional hunger, which has a profound detrimental effect on the growing child, real love sustains and nurtures. Genuine love may be operationally defined as those behaviors that enhance the well-being of children and assist them in reaching their full potential. Outward manifestations of love can be observed in people who make real emotional contact with another person; that is, they have frequent eye contact, display spontaneous, nonclinging physical affection, and take obvious pleasure in the other person's company. In an intimate relationship, love is expressed through direct, honest communication, mutual respect, acknowledgement of each other's boundaries, and a desire to share and cooperate.”
― Robert W. Firestone, The Fantasy Bond : Structure of Psychological Defenses