Evan Klein

“I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
― Steven Wright

“I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?”
― Steven Wright

“All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.”
― Steven Wright

“In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, 'Cut it out.'”
― Steven Wright