Evan Klein

“They say the universe is expanding. That should help ease the traffic.”
― Steven Wright

“I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?”
― Steven Wright

“You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment and nobody else shows up and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.”
― Steven Wright

“All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.”
― Steven Wright