Evan Klein

“They say the universe is expanding. That should help ease the traffic.”
― Steven Wright

“Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.”
― Steven Wright

“She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time. ”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, 'Cut it out.'”
― Steven Wright