Jonah Wolff

“Ethically speaking, Yankees players and fans deserve an excessive amount of anger. It's the only exception Aristotle allows for. Don't try to look it up in the Ethics; it's in a different book. I forget which one, but it's in one of them. He also says it's bad to root for the Dallas Cowboys.”
― Michael Schur, How to Be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question

“Mutual fund companies are reincarnated equivalents of the excessively powerful trusts that made us enact antitrust laws in the first place. Economists and others across the ideological spectrum now worry about the effects of this new stratum of command and control. Because mutual funds have controlling interests in the big dominant competitors in almost every major business—food, drugs, airlines, telecommunications, banking, seeds, whatever—they aren't naturally inclined to make those rival companies compete aggressively against one another.”
― Kurt Andersen, Evil Geniuses: The Unmaking of America: A Recent History

“Ask any fan, and she'll tell you there's something satisfyingly linear about baseball: three strikes, three outs. Four bases, nine innings. A lineup, for chrissake-you don't need to be an etymologist to see the meaning in that. But at the same time as that steady progression of three up, three down, then the next, then the next, it's going around and around, cycling through the order, running around the bases. Things get parabolic. There's the arc of up and down through the organization, from Single-A Carolina to the big time in Culver City, the tight arc of an infield-fly out and the majestic one of a game-winning homer.”
― Emily Nemens, The Cactus League

“To my mom and dad, and my brother, Casey. You're like family to me.”
― Colin Jost, A Very Punchable Face