Paul

“The non-AVP spouse feels the relationship is one sided in favor of the AVP. AVPs try to avoid personal issues and past issues. Let’s just start today is a common theme. After an argument, Doug doesn’t see any patterns in his behavior. June sees the importance of going forward but is frustrated with 15 years of the same situation. The spouse has brought up dissatisfaction to the AVP. They feel uncertain of themselves. They recognize they need more time and space to be or to relate to others. They are aware they don’t have goals. They do not know how to say no gently, yet firmly, so they are ashamed of themselves. They find that demands or suggestions stop them at some level. They have a sense that they need others so they can keep going. AVPs in relationships often feel they can’t give to their spouse. They find their spouse’s marital style intense and overstated. Often, this is how they view the spouse’s parental style as well. They want stress to be gone.”
― Dr. Sandra Smith-Hanen, Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

“it as as if the Dismissive is most comfortable exercising the balance of power in the relationship, holding their struggling partner at a distance and just providing enough attention and reassurance to keep them on the hook.”
― Jeb Kinnison, Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

“Most spouses of AVPs appear to have an early history of independence in their upbringing. They are often analytical in their approach and overall thinking. Almost all of the spouses state they like to be close. They appear to be planners and goal directed. Overall, they have strong expectations of themselves and others they are close to. They are now unhappy and see their spouse as unhappy. They have an underlying sense of wanting to fix the issues of the spouse.”
― Dr. Sandra Smith-Hanen, Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

“The Dismissive attempts to limit his level of exposure to partners by manipulating his response, commonly by failing to respond to messages requesting assurance.”
― Jeb Kinnison, Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner