Paul

“Empathy is difficult for the AVP. They do care about others and can be very aware of emotional content. AVPs are capable of expressing empathetic thought, though it is usually short lived. Their thoughts are often racing and difficult to find. They vacillate between what is fair or not. You might see an AVP give more empathy to a distant relative at an event than the significant other. They do care, but the feeling of that care response can be problematic. They are still hiding, balancing, and are fearful of rejection. Interactions rarely are confronted or dealt with.”
― Dr. Sandra Smith-Hanen, Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

“This means that emotional hoarding is occurring. How to balance the needs of others is difficult for them. Therefore, more AVPs need psychological treatment to assist on an ongoing basis. Add to this the fact that the spouse of the AVP recognizes the AVP has times of clarity. This just increases anxiety and defensiveness for both when the needed clarity is gone.”
― Dr. Sandra Smith-Hanen, Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

“The more stressors in an AVP’s life, the more heightened is his or her unfolding ambivalence. This action blocks the forward motion of a warm, intimate relationship. They are preoccupied; they are stressed;”
― Dr. Sandra Smith-Hanen, Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder

“AVPs will hold the spouse accountable for “wrong” action. This is true even if the spouse felt he or she was supporting the AVP. The AVP is hypersensitive. They do have a continued suspiciousness of others and what they might do to them. This, in turn, maintains a fairly consistent internal defensive posture.”
― Dr. Sandra Smith-Hanen, Hiding In The Light: Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder