Boopity

“Whatever I paid before I was a sperm, Lord,” he said under his breath, “I want it back. Every cent, or I’m reporting your ass to the Better Business Bureau. I was promised much that I did not receive. The marketing was deceptive. I am not completely satisfied. I would like a full refund and a personal apology from the maitre d’. And a free calendar. Not a shitty one. One with naked girls on it.”
― Johnny B. Truant, Fat Vampire

“I opened my mouth and projectile-vomited on her from head to toe. The more I retched, the more I had to retch. It was a disgusting self-fulfilling prophecy. Her howls and screeches were music to my indebted ears. Her hair was covered and her net top held my gift beautifully.”
― Robyn Peterman, How Hard Can It Be?

“People believe what fits their worldview without challenge most of the time, no matter the facts in front of their faces.”
― Michael Anderle, It's Hell to Choose

“I should kick your ass. That’s what I should do. Tyrius—stop eating spiders!” The cat turned around, thin spider legs still wiggling from his lips. “What?” he swallowed. “Protein. I’m starving here!”
― Kim Richardson, Dark Angel