Natalie

“If polar bears live at the North Pole, why doesn’t Santa use them to pull the sleigh?” Brogan asked, licking mustard off his thumb with the air of someone who thought they’d won the argument, which was dumb, because he never won. Embry was the uncontested champion of arguing in their house.
“Are you high?” Embry asked. “Have you seen a fucking polar bear? There’s no way they’re as aerodynamic as reindeer.”
“Polar bears make about as much sense as reindeer, seeing as neither of them can actually fly,” Brogan pointed out. “Polar bears are stronger, too. You’d only need half as many to get the job done.”
“Polar bears aren’t pack animals. You’d never get all of them attached to the sleigh at once.”
“Think how cool it would be, though. A whole troop of polar bears pulling a sleigh. There should be fire somewhere. A secondary propulsion system in case the bears get tired. Like a jet engine.” His eyes went wide with awe, presumably at his own genius. “There should be a jet engine, Embry.”
― Sidney bell, Bad Judgment

“If you stop referring to my penis as a love truncheon.” “Love dart?” “No.” “Portable pocket rocket?” Sloane smiled. “Absolutely.” The smile vanished. “Not.” “How about moisture missile? Peacemaker? Heat seeking missile?”
― Charlie Cochet, Blood & Thunder

“I’m a dragon, and maybe if you’re lucky, I’ll be dragon my balls across your face later.”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“I take pity on him. It’s too painful otherwise. “It’s a wand for adults,” I interject, thinking hard. “Because we can’t have real ones.” I’m gathering steam now, right or wrong. I look at Asa for a contribution, but it’s obvious he has nothing. “We can’t have real ones because we might hurt our wrists when we shake them, so we have ones that vibrate for us.” The last bit is faltering, but goddam it at least I stepped up. I cast an impotent glare at Asa, who incredibly looks like he might want to laugh really hard.”
― Lily Morton, Deal Maker