Natalie

“If polar bears live at the North Pole, why doesn’t Santa use them to pull the sleigh?” Brogan asked, licking mustard off his thumb with the air of someone who thought they’d won the argument, which was dumb, because he never won. Embry was the uncontested champion of arguing in their house.
“Are you high?” Embry asked. “Have you seen a fucking polar bear? There’s no way they’re as aerodynamic as reindeer.”
“Polar bears make about as much sense as reindeer, seeing as neither of them can actually fly,” Brogan pointed out. “Polar bears are stronger, too. You’d only need half as many to get the job done.”
“Polar bears aren’t pack animals. You’d never get all of them attached to the sleigh at once.”
“Think how cool it would be, though. A whole troop of polar bears pulling a sleigh. There should be fire somewhere. A secondary propulsion system in case the bears get tired. Like a jet engine.” His eyes went wide with awe, presumably at his own genius. “There should be a jet engine, Embry.”
― Sidney bell, Bad Judgment

“If you stop referring to my penis as a love truncheon.” “Love dart?” “No.” “Portable pocket rocket?” Sloane smiled. “Absolutely.” The smile vanished. “Not.” “How about moisture missile? Peacemaker? Heat seeking missile?”
― Charlie Cochet, Blood & Thunder

“If you had to choose between coffee and—”
“Coffee.”
“You didn’t know what I was going to say,” Sloane laughed.
Dex shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. Coffee.”
“Me or coffee.”
“Coffee.”
“Wow. Okay, sex or coffee.”
“Coffee.”
“Your brother or—”
“Coffee. I would totally trade my brother for a good cup of coffee.” He took a sip with a contented sigh. His gaze shifted to Sloane. “Okay, maybe I wouldn’t trade him in for coffee. Although….” He pursed his lips thoughtfully then shook his head. “No, you’re right, that would be wrong.”
― Charlie Cochet, Blood & Thunder

“I’m a dragon, and maybe if you’re lucky, I’ll be dragon my balls across your face later.”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart