Susan

“Look. This has been… fun.” Lie. This had been nerve-racking and I needed to go masturbate. “But I have to go. I’ve got stuff to do before I head out again.” Masturbate. “Wizard stuff. Like… secret wizard stuff.” Masturbate.”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“I’m a dragon, and maybe if you’re lucky, I’ll be dragon my balls across your face later.”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“Gary, why Sam sweating?”
“Well you see, my dear Tiggy. When a boy loves another boy very much, it makes him awkward and have feelings in his penis and mmmphh!”
“Sam, why you use magic and glue Gary’s mouth shut?”
“Is that what that was? Gosh! I just thought I was singing to myself!”
“MMMMPH!”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“You okay, Sam?”
“Ha-ha, why wouldn’t I be? Everything is peachy! I’m okay. I’m better than okay.”
“Okay. I only ask because you haven’t stopped staring at me for the last four hours.”
“You lie with all your lies!”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart