Relm Maxwell

“He reached out, opened the glove compartment, and took out a gun. It was a Smith & Wesson .38 five-shot special. It looked a lot like my gun.
"I stopped by your apartment this morning and picked this up for you," Ranger said. "I found it in the cookie jar."
"Tough guys always keep their gun in the cookie jar."
"Name one."
"Rockford."
Ranger grinned. "I stand corrected.”
― Janet Evanovich, Hard Eight

“My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn."
"She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action."

-Ranger and Stephanie”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“This is a little awkward," I said, "but my mother just ran over the rabbit."
"Ran over?"
"As in roadkill. We're not sure what to do about it."
"Where are you?"
"Giovichinni's, buying lunch meat."
"And the rabbit?"
"Gone. He was with two other guys. They scooped him up off the road and drove away with him."
There was a long silence on the phone. "I'm fucking speechless," Morelli finally said.”
― Janet Evanovich, Hard Eight

“I hung my head. Ranger was next on the list.
“Yo,” Ranger said when he answered.
“Small problem.”
“No kidding. Your car just went off the screen.”
“It sort of burned up.”
Silence.
“And you know that keypad you gave me? It was in the car.”
“Babe.”
― Janet Evanovich, Hard Eight