Aurora Ryan

“On Being Afraid to Use the Elementary School Bathrooms to Defecate

“Son, you're complaining to the wrong man. I can shit anywhere, at any time. It's one of my finer qualities. Some might say my finest.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.”
― Tina Fey, Bossypants

“Are you a politician or does lying just run in your family?”
― Fannie Flagg, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe

“You're going to run into jerk-offs, but remember: It's not the size of the asshole you worry about, it's how much shit comes out of it.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says