Suzanne Colligan

“I don't give a shit how it happened, the window is broken... Wait, why is there syrup everywhere? Okay, you know what? Now I give a shit how it happened, Let's hear it.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“The opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference.”
― Wilhelm Stekel, The Beloved Ego: Foundations of the New Study of the Psyche

“Life is fucking long, especially if you're stupid.”
― Justin Halpern, I Suck at Girls

“On Telemarketer Phone Calls
“Hello?…Fuck you.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says