Shyam

“I like planned parenthood. I support the woman's right to choose if she wants to murder her future baby. I do feel for the janitor though, this one time he was taking out the trash filled with all of the dead baby bodies... (I mean let's face it, that's where they put them. So let's be mature about this please. No laughter or funny comments. These are dead babies we’re talking about,) Anyways, the bag ripped, and squish! All the heads, torsos, everything oozed out of the bag. He was trying to mop up all the placenta juices and bodies when he slipped. It looked like a 3-Stooges bit. He had stepped on one skull for traction, and had another foot jammed so far up a stillborn's ribcage, it looked like he was wearing a shoe. He was mopping it up when someone's dog broke its leash and came running to slurp up the mess. Oh the horror! That dog must have ate at least 3 or 4 babies that day. Talk about a sticky situation! Rape is bad... But... Sometimes girls rape guys too. I'll give you an example. Anytime a guy wants to have sex, and the girl says no, she's raping the guy into not having sex. See if you can follow me here, the guy doesn't want to not have sex, but he's forced... Against his will... To not fuck her. If that's not reverse rape I don't know what is. And nobody is talking about it! Obviously it is a less extreme form of rape, but it's equal because it's much more common. You know who I feel sorry for? You guessed it: White men.”
― Mike Sov, I Like Poop

“Other benefits include: FREE HAIRCUTS! All the women you can rape! (Overseas only) And, of course, unlimited bumper stickers! Give them to your parents and remind them that "Yesterday My Son Was A Civilian... Today He Is A Corps(e)." By signing up you agree to hold the Marines not accountable for you being yelled at, shoved, stabbed, shot at (by foreigners), shot at (by superiors), and anything else that may happen. So sign your life away up now!”
― Mike Sov, I Like Poop

“But if you die before you get paid, rest assured Uncle Sam will take your hard earned money as a generous contribution, and make sure your family gets a heartfelt letter showing our gratitude. And, your family gets automatically entered to win a free iPad if they decide not to make us give you a funeral. (Families of limbless receive a gift certificate to Red Lobster*) *Only participating Red Lobsters: Guam Military Base, Undisclosed Location #1, Undisclosed Location #2.”
― Mike Sov, I Like Poop

“(Looks out window) AWEEEE FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU GOD RIGHT UP THE FUCKING ASS! WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT IS THIS!?”
― Mike Sov, I Like Poop