Shyam

“Other benefits include: FREE HAIRCUTS! All the women you can rape! (Overseas only) And, of course, unlimited bumper stickers! Give them to your parents and remind them that "Yesterday My Son Was A Civilian... Today He Is A Corps(e)." By signing up you agree to hold the Marines not accountable for you being yelled at, shoved, stabbed, shot at (by foreigners), shot at (by superiors), and anything else that may happen. So sign your life away up now!”
― Mike Sov, I Like Poop

“Zombies do not avoid water or fire. They can easily become trapped in holes, cages, rooms, closets, bathrooms, and cars. Imagine, a zombie chases you into a bathroom. You push the bathroom door to get in and then turn around quick and exit after the zombie enters. It’s very likely this zombie will be trapped in the bathroom. It is not capable of processing that it needs to pull the bathroom door to get out. It simply will push and bang against that bathroom door until some idiot comes along to check and see what all the banging on the bathroom door is about.”
― Van Allen, Zombie Outbreak Survival: Get It Right or Die

“You know these girls wearing leggings that show off their legs and ass perfectly through their pants? I think the next step is for us guys to wear leggings too, with a part sticking out in the shape of a dick. Our dicks would fit into it and guys would be walking with perfect silhouettes of our dicks flopping around... Or we could be fully erect. Lots of options there! Because the next step after that is for girls to have a part of their leggings that go up into their vaginas! So we can walk up to them and literally fuck without taking off any clothing. By the way, the leggings will act as a condom too. But I doubt that idea will take off. We aren't actually a sex crazed country. Seriously, look at the stores around the average city. We have shops for nick-knacks like postcards, snow globes, lawn gnomes, and all around stupid shit. Then, when I walk past a girls clothing store and I see mannequin bodies of hot ass girls that show off some sexy clothing...”
― Mike Sov, I Like Poop

“(Looks out window) AWEEEE FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU GOD RIGHT UP THE FUCKING ASS! WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT IS THIS!?”
― Mike Sov, I Like Poop