Shyam

“I saw a strange and odd-looking little guy walk in to a gun show in Fort Worth, pay cash for a 50-caliber sniper rifle with nobody asking him any questions before he walked right out the front door with that thing strapped over his shoulder; I thought it was extra odd that he was such a little puny fellow and the sniper rifle was actually bigger than he was, making that very memorable for me. I’m not saying this little fellow can’t legally have a sniper rifle; I am saying we would all have much better security in knowing that he was legally cleared to have it and in knowing that if he gets weird on us, then someone will show up to legally take the sniper rifle out of his hands.”
― Van Allen, Zombie Outbreak Survival: Get It Right or Die

“Everything got turned to dust.”
― Mike Sov, I Like Poop

“Yo mama so fat… a. …that she turned her iPhone into an iPad just by sitting on it.”
― Lolz Press, Yo Mama Jokes: The Best Yo Mama Jokes

“I’m gonna be like boom boom—” Hefty mime shoots a shotgun “—Mutha Fucka!”
― James Schannep, Infected