Bridget

“On Accidentally Eating Dog Treats “Snausages? I’ve been eating dog treats? Why the fuck would you put them on the counter where the rest of the food is? Fuck it, they’re delicious. I will not be shamed by this.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“On Bring-Your-Dad-to-School Day

Who are all these fucking parents who can take a day off? If I'm taking a day off, I ain't gonna spend it sitting at some tiny desk with a bunch of eleven-year-olds.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“How the fuck should I know if it’s still good? Eat it. You get sick, it wasn’t good. You people, you think I got microscopic fucking eyes.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“On Packing My Own Lunch

You have to pack a sandwich. It can't just be cookies and bullshit....No, I said if you packed it yourself, you could pack it how you want it, not pack it like a moron.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says