Bryan

“In a city called Stonetown, near a port called Stonetown Harbor, a boy named Reynie Muldoon was preparing to take an important test. It was the second test of the day—the first had been in an office across town. After that one he was told to come here, to the Monk Building on Third Street, and to bring nothing but a single pencil and a single rubber eraser, and to arrive no later than one o’clock. If he happened to be late, or bring two pencils, or forget his eraser, or in any other way deviate from the instructions, he would not be allowed to take the test, and that would be that. Reynie, who very much wanted to take it, was careful to follow the instructions. Curiously enough, these were the only ones given.”
― Trenton Lee Stewart, The Mysterious Benedict Society

“Bread was hard at work baking himself … hurrr … I mean bread. (Bad joke. Sorry.)”
― Dr. Block, The Ballad of Winston the Wandering Trader, Book 6

“Mom: Can you turn the oven on to 350? Me: I have children in there. Mom: Omg...chicken! I meant chicken! Mom: LOL!!!”
― Barry Strow, TEXT FAILS: Super Funny Messages and Autocorrect Fails. Smiles with Funniest Mishaps Ever on Smartphones! VOL 2

“and every of my body parts it blocky too, everything”
― Steve the Explorer, Diary of Steve The explorer: An unofficial Minecraft novel