Status Updates From Sword & Blood: The Vampire ...

The story of the original has been left far behind now. Instead, more fantasy elements are coming into play, making this a full-blown AU. At least Marques brought all four servants into play, turning them into loyal volunteers instead of abused subjects.

Ooookay. The whole thing is now turning into what I was secretly expecting: an erotic vampire fanfic with a hefty dose of hurt/comfort thrown in. But on a sweltering hot day like today it’s exactly what my melting brain needs before it leaks out of my ears.

Reads like an unashamed, entertaining fan fiction so far. While definitely laying it all on too thick, the idea is good: Marques rewrites The Three Musketeers as vampire fantasy, with Richelieu and the Red Guard as vampire coven and the Musketeers as the vampire hunters.

An ancient ritual interrupted may well bring disaster. The ancient vampires, who seem to have lost all humanity, crowd ever closer to our heroes.

The search for D'Artagnan continues, and it appears his kidnapping may have been organized at the highest levels.

Strange revelations about Milady, and the desperate search for D'Artagnan.

Athos continues to struggle to maintain the remnants of his humanity in the face of the most ancient of vampires, wraithlike beings more like hungry ghosts.

D'Artagnan has no more than moved into his new lodgings in a sketchy part of Paris than he hears shouts outside, and looks out to see his new friends fighting the cardinal's vampires, outnumbered three to one.

Athos has been turned by the woman he loves. Now the Three Musketeers and d'Artagnan must fight the Cardinal's agents in a desperate test of both steel and will.

I am your king, the voice in his mind said, trying to sound as compelling at it had before, but with something akin to hesitation behind it.
"Not my king," Athos said

Quick let's have sex! I belong to an ancient religion that takes its strength from sex-magic!

Well that is a new one...

"Tell Treville you go ti visit healing waters"
"But he's from Gascony, he'll know there aren't any healing waters there!"
"Tell him they just were discovered. He'll totally believe it considering he's from Gascony"
"Yeah. Gascons belive everything about their home."
Or...well as you're already lying to your boss you could have lied about the destination completely...

"Her rose and his spear"
Does that mean what I think it means?

Was that just a sex-magic joke?

So masturbation won't make you blind after all...

It is fun but D'Artagnan? You disappoint me book.

what the hell.

And now for some magic. Sex!magic. Wait. What?

Evil will always triumph. Because Good is dumb. Seriously.

Nooop! The book had the perfect opportunity to follow the villain's line of "I knew your father" with "he was delicious" but did not take it! Does nobody watch MST3k anymore? D:

gif is frigtheningly accurate:



*screams internally*

Book is a page-turner. Wow. Much excitement. Very fun.

This is the only chapter, of any book I've ever read, in which masturbation saves your soul.

(I half don't even wanna admit I'm reading this filth, but at the same time I can't stop reading. I bloody love this thing. SEND HELP!)