Status Updates From A Coupla Shades of Taupe

I've been sitting in my favorite corner of the living room shrieking with laughter over this book, and I think it's irritating my husband to not be in on the jokes. Time to put it away for the day.

I am alarming my child, because I keep erupting in ugly, loud laughter while he's trying to build things with his blocks. I can't help it. This is stupid and wonderful.

"Alexandra, what did I tell you would happen if you rolled your eyes at me again?" [...]

I sighed and flop onto his knee like an angry walrus.

O.o ......

This is boring. Abandoning the rest tonight in order to watch the amazeballs Repo the Genetic Opera.

"I think it's like David Lynch's brain exploded in here." Hells yeah for name dropping my favorite...

“Alexandra, let me make love to you tonight.” “I thought you didn’t make love. I thought you boinked hard...I can make an exception for your first time. I promise I’ll be gentle... “Is it going to hurt?”..I can’t say. But I’d sure as hell rather be the battering ram than the castle gate.” ..Lmao!!!!

I gasp with horror at mybreflection in the mirror. I'm drenched in blood, my eyes bulging and demonic, and I look as if thecdevil himself has taken up shop inside of me. It takes me a moment to realize thst Im staring at my roommate's Carrie poster, and when I do, I vow not to mix Red Bull and Everest together again. is it just me or is that, like, the best opening line ever written?

Pagan is amazing. he's like a short Steve Buscemi.

We both squeal and I even catch myself twirling my hair.

O.O



Because ALL the ladies love you, Steve......

Before I leave I tell Candy that yogurt is supposed to be good for infections of the ladyplace, but have to clarify when I watch her grab a Yoplait from the fridge and drop her panties.

Bwahahahaha

"When I find the strength to glance up at him he’s staring at me like I’ve got Oompa Loompas climbing out of my ears. “You’re a virgin?” he whispers. I nod slowly. He stares at me a long time. “Gross.”...Bwhahahahahahaha

"When I stumble grumpily into the living room the next morning, Candy is dragging her crotch across the floor the way a dog drags its butt across the carpet, desperate for nether region relief."..Hell naw....Bwhahahahhahahah

"The elevator doors start to close and I sigh and prematurely begin to break wind. But when the doors suddenly jolt back open and he reaches out to hand me my vest, I nearly scream with horror. His nose crinkles and he looks at me without blinking. “Chipotle?” he says. ...I nod."..Bwhahahahahahah.

Before I leave I tell Candy that yogurt is supposed to be good for infections of the ladyplace, but have to clarify when I watch her grab a Yoplait from the fridge and drop her panties..."...Bwhahahahahahah

Omg so stupid funny. Perfect for a mindless break from reality...especially if you hated 50 shades.

First chapter done and I've giggled out loud a couple times. This should be good...

This book is silly and gross but I can't seem to stop giggling.