Status Updates From Story of My Life (Story Lak...

“Did you build an entire chicken coop just to get out of taking in helpless animals, Livvy?” “That’s diabolical” Isla said. “I don’t know where we went wrong Frank. This is the paintball incident all over again isn’t it?” Mom said. “For fuck’s sake! I swear on Grandma Bernie’s lemon square recipe I did not shoot up that barn door.” “Bullshit,” Gage and I said together.

“Do you at least have a rental I can borrow?” I asked. He looked as if I’d just suggested he remove his pants and jog down the street naked. “A rental for the rental you destroyed? No, ma’am. I do not.” “Thank you so much for your help,” I said, heavy on the sarcasm. “You’re welcome. Try to stay off the roads now. Oh, and don’t try to murder any more wildlife,” Gator said,

“Uh, Haze. When did you go live on Facebook?” Zoey interrupted, staring at her phone. “Last night. Why?” “Drunk Hazel is my favorite,” Zoey read out loud as she scrolled. “She’s so real. I feel this in my soul.”

Cam snatched the papers out of my hand and rifled through them. I’d never actually heard a grown man growl before. I’d written it plenty of times on the page, but hearing it in real life was a new, exciting experience. Zoey elbowed me. “Wow. Now I get it. Growling’s hot,” she said out of the corner of her mouth. “Told you,” I whispered back.

“There’s a regular veterinarian ten miles from here that specializes in birds…,” Zoey interrupted. “The fucking eagle is fucking fine,” I shouted. Both women stopped what they were doing and stared at me. “He’s grumpy,” Zoey observed. “Yes, yes, he is,” Hazel said with a look of delight, which I found completely inappropriate and annoying for the situation.