Status Updates From Bagged by the Groceries!

‘“Come on, baby,” she pleaded.  “Gimme them groceries!  Gimme them fucking groceries!”’

I need to know what happens to the cucumber.
I ΝΕED ΤΟ ΚΝΟW. 💀

OMG???? He turned back into the actual grocery’s… is she gonna eat it????

De yoghurt is zijn 💦, shoot me

“Licking his lettuce lips with a tongue that might have been a thick slice of the ham she picked up from the deli earlier, Zaka bored into her with his black eyes.”

“The heavy sound of his footsteps drew her eyes down to his feet, each one a butternut squash.  A twitching movement drew her eyes higher, and she saw that his cucumber cock had begun to rise, angling upward like a flagpole jutting from the side of a building.”

“Between those whole-grain thighs hung a long, thick cucumber and a pair of smooth, ripe nectarines.”

reading sentient object smut as buddy reads is my new favorite thing

No way is this real.

This is literally just for research purposes

Don’t question my choice. 🤣🤷‍♀️

Saw Miranda’s other post on TT with her husbands reaction annnnd I had to have a laugh at this one too 😂

Absolutely ridiculous and not in a good way 🤣

“Licking his lettuce lips with a tongue that might have been a thick slice of the ham she picked up from the deli earlier, Zaka bored into her with his black eyes.” WHAT

How does a cucumber move!?!?

I have so many questions. How does a body made of groceries talk? How does it walk? It needs neuro pathways to do that, does it have a brain? Should I be calling it and “it” or something else? Descartes would go into a stroke if he read this. If the grocery-man thinks, is he living?!?

Agkjgjkghahahaha WHAT

Me: “Please I’m so tired let me sleep”
My kindle: “No, you need to read the grocery smut we have recommended you five times this week.”