Status Updates From Hexes for the Modern Age: C...

May all the cords to your electronics become entangled in a massive death coil.

May you forget your brother's Netflix password, and may he not respond to your frantic texts about it for, like, twenty minutes.

May you always get "selected" for extra screening.


I always am!

May you continue to find sand in strange places weeks after your vacation.

May you never be able to tell if the milk has gone bad until after you've poured it on your last remaining bit of cereal.

May your roommate always put things back in the most random-ass places when they unload the dishwasher . . .
. . . and may you always wonder if they just do that on purpose so they don't ever have to unload the dishwasher.

May there always be something in your teeth that no one has the decency to tell you about.


Haha, the venn diagram and image with this one is actually pretty funny.

May you always miss a spot on the back of your thigh when shaving your legs.


Oh... you guys... I think someone must have hexed me... This happens ALL the time, and not always so excusable as the thigh... often on my calf or lower legs.

May you finally see Bigfoot and be unable to take a photo because your phone is out of space.

May your horoscope always say that amazing things are coming . . . next month.

May you go to buy a new pair of your favourite sneakers only to discover that they've been discontinued forever.

May no one laugh during the "funny" parts of your wedding toast.

May no one be able to correctly guess your Halloween costume.

May the coffee shop bathroom toilet seat have a stranger's pee on it.

May a full-size parking space that appears to be open . . .
. . . actually be taken up by a tiny Vespa scooter.

May you always have 3 percent phone battery when you have no idea where you're going and it's in the middle of nowhere and there's no one else around.

May your much younger sibling reach all the important milestones before you do.

33: May you fall deeply in love with a cat person.
34: May you fall deeply in love with a dog person.

Why are these two hexes?

May all the plastic bags have holes in them when you run out of real dog-poop bags.

May you work in an office dominated by the opposite sex such that it is always either way too cold or way too hot for you to be physically comfortable.

May you mess up trying to give someone a fake phone number and accidentally give them your actual number.

May a space in the community garden you've been on the waitlist for for two years finally open up... after you and your lady/man friend break up.

This is so bizzare it’s hilarious :D