Status Updates From All I Ever Wanted (Firsts a...

i bet cole's writing is as boring as he is

i want this to be over

i don't care about any of this so it's skimming time

i'm so over the exposition monologue trauma dump speeches

so why did the mother bring up she's dating someone who cole will hate and then when river asks why, she says she doesn't want to get into it. THEN WHY BRING IT UP????

they have the same conversation over and over. there's too many characters all the time. the only character i like is quinn because he's nuts.

these people are boring and river has no sense of style or personality

these people like to trauma dump a LOOOOT

this was so weird. he was on a date with dylan which ended with dylan trauma dumping on him and then friendzoning each other... and river has no sense of pride bc he wears fucking boardies to a date

i don't know if i'm bored yet but nana got a laugh out of me

“I’ve had a couple months to sort out my feeling about her and Bowmer, and…well, let’s just say it’s a work in progress. But I know I don’t want to lose my mom over it, so I’m learning to move past it.”
Cole's the better person here. I'd never forgive her for getting engaged to a man she lied about for 3 years and also happens be the man who drove drunk and killed his dad?! 🤬🤬🤬

“Safety first, I always say. Well, okay, I don’t always say that. But I should. What I actually say is, ‘I never met a cocktail I didn’t like.’ Not that that’s relevant here. I haven’t been drinking. And I don’t know why I’m telling you that. Must be the uniform. It instantly forced a confession out of me.”
🤣 Quinn is a moron.

After a pause, he asked, “Can I have some?”
I raised my head just enough to stare at him and said, “Can you have some of the replacement pie you just gave me after stealing and eating my other pie? Is that what you’re asking?”
“Yes.”
I stared at him for another moment before muttering, “Go ahead.”
🤣

Re-reading a favorite since all other books suck....

"Um, River, you know there's a huge wet mark on the back of your jeans, right? I mean, it's probably the least of your worries right now, but..."

"Yeah, that's anal lube. Quinn had the brilliant idea of applying it to my neck to help me remove the cage. That resulted both in the lube sliding down my back, and him getting his hands stuck in here with me."

Can't. Stop. Laughing.

This book is hilarious!
I LOVE Quinn. Can't wait to read his book.