Status Updates From Mated to the Fire Dragon (E...

"They’d been served a small cauldron over fire full of melted cheese into which they'd dipped bread."
So...fondue.

"She told me if I wanted to learn about human women, I should work my way through this category called Steamy Vampire Movies.”
NOOOOOOOPE.

God this dragon jewelry sounds tacky af

Tbh sounds like the fifth element (5th Element!) is Stargate

Aw is the Griffin heart? Because of all of Captain Planet's little power buddies, he was always the weakest.

I love a puzzle!

Shadow fire

Ooooooh not the element of DARKNESS
which is not an element in fact

“He's... Well. A monster.”
That's quite harsh.

WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO YOUR FRIEND AS IF SHE KNOWS DRAGONS ARE REAL COME ON GIRL GET IT TOGETHER

Huh I bet you can be cured by raw dogging it

YOU ARE A HUGE FUCKING DUMMY
IF THIS WEREN'T ENTIRELY CONTRIVED I'D BE VERY ANGRY

This level of stupidity is entirely out of character

DUUUUUUUUMMMMMMBBBBBBBBB

Ah here we go shit just got so stupid

Buddy how long have you been gone
I guarantee you everyone you know thinks you're dead

Ok but avocado black sesame and bacon chocolate flavored ice cream sounds amazing?

None of the businesses in this shifter town are sustainable

Entirely too much information about this ice cream. Unless the farm the cream was sourced from plays a significant role in the story, why are we wasting time talking about this.

"There was a time for fashion and makeup and her unfortunate addiction to nail polishes. Escaping from an erupting volcano was not that time."
Your not wrong...

WEREGULLS. WERE. GULLS. Y'ALL.

“There are situations where there is no greater culinary delight than a slice of cold pizza."
Truer words, etc.

I appreciate the gesture but that condom ain't doing shit to protect anyone

"He'd always imagined that he'd woo his mate by bringing her a rare surface sheep, feasting on the succulent meat grilled to perfection with dragon fire."
That sounds fucking awesome tbh

"I'm worried you're going to die in my bed. And I might be up for weird things, but I'm not into that.”
THIS CHICK IS LOLS