Status Updates From Dealing in Death (Death and...

ETHAN POV ETHAN POV ETHAN POV ETHAN POV LESSSSFUCKINGOOOOOOOOOOO 💖💖💖

Wow. Well. I got through it. RTC.

"Maybe Jack didn't quite love me the way I loved him, but, what he did feel, what he could give me, wasn't nothing either."

Who will hold an intervention with me for Ethan? Someone needs to show this man that he is worth EVERYTHING and should not settle. It''ll take a lifetime of therapy. But FFS. You would die for him and almost did, and all he does is hold back and think "what if" about someone else.

"I didn't like the man, but he didn't deserve to be subjected to Two."

Um. Ethan. This man tried to hook up with your man again, and again, and AGAIN, despite (actually) being told no (good thing Adam can't read minds though, he might have tried harder). He even said he might move to the area in part for your man. This is based on a 2-3 night hookup months ago, BTW. Want to rethink what he deserves?

The whole big deal w the kissing got so 🙄🙄🙄. Like who DID Jack love enough to kiss? His bf Hamish from decades ago who meant “so much” to him that we know, oh, NOTHING about him and why they broke up? Apart from it somehow being Jack’s fault?! (Seems on brand).

“Jack wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t driven him to it.” 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

SO. ANGRY. RIGHT. NOW.

Oh my GOD this is even worse in Ethan’s pov. He falls for the manipulation…because he knows it’s entirely possible. Because Jack HAS been waffling all along. F F F. I hate J so much right now.

Seriously. Going to kill me. Jack walks out, done, no more to say…and Ethan morphs into “prepare to save and protect Jack with all I am” mode.

I am feeling gaslit now. Jack is not the gd victim here. WTF. Somebody PLEASE hug Ethan!!!

This is heart-decimating. Ethan thinks this is all his fault? HIS fault? OMG baby no, no, no. All that happened is Jack just showed you how very right your were NOT to trust him with everything. His acceptance of you is very, very conditional.

"Maybe I was just a murderer.... I'd been lying from the start. If I'd just had the courage to tell Jack..."

Oh Ethan. Honey. Baby. No, sweetheart. No. Your gut told you you couldn't trust him with You yet and you are so, so right. Your gut knew J was still holding back, not fully with you. And yes, I know this bc I have been in that asshat's POV in the other book. Trust your instincts, Ethan.

🥰🥰🥰 Even I will happily admit that the surprise Jack has for Ethan is the sweetest most thoughtful thing ever.

“Quinn was gone, as was Jack. There was no doubt that Jack had gone after the man to rage at him.”

😭😭😭😭😭 ETHAN OMG. I hate to tell you this but…that isn’t anywhere near all of why Jack ran after Adam yet again. Read your other book. 🫣🤯

“Not since Eleven, and the whipping, and Moraitis.”

Will we ever truly find out what happened? I fear not, because bottom line, Ethan seems to instinctively know he can’t fully trust Jack with his truths. And if he can’t tell Jack, he can’t tell us either. 😞

“He was here, clearly waiting for me, hoping I would return.”

Seriously my heart is getting crushed. I understand why Ethan is happy just to have this bare minimum, he’s never had any romantic kindness, but…holy gods is it painful to see him rejoice in these crumbs.

“I’d go back to Austria and just be a mechanic.”

I wish Ethan did leave. He deserves someone who chooses him, no doubts, no qualms, just 100% all in. He deserves someone who can see no one but him in a good way (aka not a Two way 😱). And no matter what, that will never be Jack. He already failed. 😞 😭💔

“He was trying so hard.”

Sigh. No Ethan, he is not. He knows he is an emotional cheater and he’s bringing you metaphorical flowers and jewelry. I wish you knew your worth. 😞😤

“None of this was Jack’s fault.”

BEG TO DIFFER Ethan. God, Jack is gaslighting you without even knowing. 😭😭😭😭😭💔💔

Emotional cheating sucks. This love triangle extra sucks. 😤 Ethan, however, does not!

“He didn’t tell you did he.” 😭😭😭😭

You know things are bad when I kind of get where the narcissistic sociopath is coming from.

The author Tells a lot in this book, but for once I don’t mind the summarizing bc experiencing Ethan’s pain even this much is 💔💔💔💔

“My fingers inched towards the Eagle under my left arm.”

Ethan, I would help you bury the body. Your restraint is admirable! 🤭😂

Oh god here we go. Seeing all the emotional cheating through Ethan’s pov is gonna HURT. Someone protect this man like he protects Jack PLEASE. 😞😞😞😞❤️

The dramatic irony around Two is killing me. Killing. Me. 😱😵

“…it was him, just him, only him, who could ever do this to me.”

This book is already breaking my heart. 😞

“Which once more left me with the question… what was I now?”

I would so love to see a story of Ethan exploring his myriad options. Alas, we can none of us help our obsessions. 😞

“What we had shared had felt special to me, but that didn’t mean it had been to him.”

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I hate it when characters are so heartbreakingly right. {{{Ethan}}}

“I had come to do what I should have done in the desert—protect him.”

I want to protect Ethan. I knew this hard-ass assassin had a fragile tender heart. Dammit.

This could be an absolute disaster for me. But I love Ethan so much. So. Here goes everything.