Status Updates From Cowboy's Vow to Protect (Co...

Not the time, the place, his truck, a school zone ugh, how I wanted to mark that insipid passage with a booger, one of those really sharp boogers that wrap themselves insidiously around a shed winter nose hair. The best laid plans of mice and men...

Kadrian, Kdamian, Kchucky, Kjason, Be evil, little imperiled unborn. (Apologies to the lucky 🍀 ppl who are not doing a real time read along lol)

Idk what country song is referenced here and I don’t care. The Devil went down to a spinster flat, looking for some tiiiiiiiime to waste...Loud washing machine solo! Woo!

She didn’t want to grope him on the couch in his house. She wanted to sit on his lap and distract him with her fan dance as he drove 105 mph on the sidewalk. The irony of Stephen King’s Thinner was lost as they ran over Carla Cassidy, Regan Black, Jessica Lemmon and E.L. James

Ten years later: “Lovely dinner, Maddy, dear,” said Flint as she placed the arsenic-laced cat food and Pop Tart sandwich in front of him. He and FJ and the other eleven young ‘uns were staring at their phones. Bon appetit

His loins burned for her as she stroked them while he was driving, his green eyes rolled back in pleasure as he ran over thirty-seven pedestrians, a prize-winning Palomino, and a little redheaded kid on a Big Wheel.

Gee, I’m upset that Maddy won’t know whether to get Riddler or Ursula c—p. And that Flint is noncompliant with his medication for his injuries sustained mistreating animals

I have a hunch that the doctor who is willing to treat Madison at night just might be crooked and will tip off Ainsworth, if he hasn’t already

I’ve decided to root for the villain. Idk why I waited until this long after the unfortunate sex scene between Flint and Maddy. This was a mistake, ordering this book. At least it was free. I’m not into this type of thing, guys like Flint. This is not escapism. There is no escape from what I am, what I do 😞

I regret doing this in real time. I regret thinking, “This isn’t even good. Guess I’ll finish it,” like some nomance-reading Jim Gaffigan. (Nomance is not a typo.) I’ve come so far. I’ll end this tomorrow. 📖💩

“Tell me a story, cowboy”
“Come and listen to my story ‘bout a man named Jed, a poor mountaineer...”
#the worst book I’ve ever read

Flint’s suddenly annoyed at Maddy for talking. Because his lack of retirement planning is sooooo interesting

It’s too bad Maddy is 3 months pregnant, because you can’t get DNA from a fetus once a heartbeat is detected, or, like, from a 25-35 y.o. sexual offender

Dillon: Imma talk to Ainsworth’s ex gfs, his friends, everyone who has bought a BMW in the last 30 years, and all their neighbors
Sensei from Beverly Hills Ninja: Or u could just test the fetus’ DNA
BHN: What an idiot! (Solves rape while entire town is distracted staring at solar eclipse.)

Dillon is apparently married to Flint’s boss. It was insensitive of me to assume that these ppl’s family tree forks, and I would like to apologize to any alligator wrestling, Elvis impersonating, Sasquatch hunting cannibals who may have been offended

“You have to trust that Dillon will get this right, Flint,” Sawyer said as Dillon shrewdly stuck his untied shoelace into the electric socket and Oklahoma was plunged into darkness. Somewhere in Texas, a puppy was saddened.

I’m sure the charming yarn on page 125 was a 280 page full length story I thankfully just read a recap of🤮🚿

No mention of DNA testing when Maddy and the Apple Dumpling Gang reported the rape. At this point I just want Flint to kick the rapist to death b4 leaving him to be blown up by his own bomb as Flint runs holding a catatonic Maddy🤮

A cowboy caravan? That’s almost as cool as Harlequin employing a caravan of editors so that hopefully c**p like this won’t get published!

Emoji fan fic Mrs. McA 😱 O 🪕O O🛸O
O 🔥 O colon health, indeed

I GAGGED when Flint kissed Madison after she told him the story of her violent rape. Wtf??? Was Carla Cassidy raised by wolves or apes or three-toed sloths? That is the only explanation I can think of for this lack of understanding of appropriate human behavior