Jonathan Orme > Recent Status Updates

Twenty bottles of Mountain Dew on the wall, twenty bottles of Dew...

Ah, finally a year. 1216 is about seven hundred years later than I thought this story took place.

My man casually invents germ theory forty years early and then dies in the polar ice

I can't stop thinking about that meme where the polar bear is poking its head out of a hole in the ice and saying "Bonjour"

Hah! The greenhorn didn't know to only wear eight layers of wool, not ten. Now he is sweaty and will freeze to death in his sleeping bag. Civilians...

Also has nobody had the idea to knit a sock for their shotgun/musket barrels so they don't lose any skin to the metal when they inevitably touch it by accident?

I'm listening to the audiobook and I choose to believe that this whaling ship is named Prince of Whales

What's this, a spell for ants? It needs to be at least three times bigger than this!

"With great power comes great responsibility." -Granny Aching

Why would I read Outlander when this is way better?

This has to be the most anachronistic work of fiction I've ever read, what with the mentioning of American Indians and afternoon tea and zeppelins in a story that takes place in the 5th century A.D. Maybe Merlyn is the narrator? He remembers backwards and is presumably very old.

I love how Guðvarr is such a coward and runs away all the time, but as soon as his ego kicks in and he decides that his opponent is beneath him he just wins because he's actually a competent drengr.

Good ol' Lord Rust. I hope we see more of him in later books.

Matthew:

Imagine being banished to the Shadow Realm for wearing khakis to a black tie wedding.

Matthew:

Imagine being banished to the Shadow Realm for wearing khakis to a black tie wedding.

Vimes, don't forget Rule Number One!

I just KNOW Ponder Stibbons is about to do some wacky experiment down below that is going to make this standoff go pear-shaped

Well that explains the farting.

I'm going to start signing every work email with "Your unhappy and dutiful servant, Jonathan Orme"

Dihydrogen monoxide being used as rat poison? Too cruel.

Mods, kill that guy 👉🦎

Authors need to stop referencing other books because then I need to go read those too. If I had infinite reading time and patience I would go on a One Thousand and One Nights style quest where whenever another work is mentioned I stop and go read that before returning to the first book. Depending on the initial book it could take years.

All Birds Go to Heaven?

Hey she said the thing, and capitalized it so we wouldn't miss it

Malachi:

Esau just cannot catch a break! My goodness!

Zechariah:

What? I'm not a prophet. I'm a, uh, uh, a farmer! Yeah, a farmer. I farm. I don't even put honey on my locusts!

I expect to be told the specific impulse of this dragon thruster, Terold!

I love the insinuation that Aristotle qualifies as an appalling lack of intellectual life

Oh this is ILLUSTRATED

I can't believe nobody has made the Death by Chocolate joke yet