ivy > Recent Status Updates

“That was a joke,” I offer. I can’t read her at all.
“It was very funny.”
“That must be why you’re laughing so hard.” I push off the door.
Her eyes follow me. The barest hint of a smile twitches at her mouth. She fights it though. And it somehow makes me like her even more.
“You’re going to tear me apart, aren’t you?” I murmur.


LOVE

“Is”—he steps in closer, the letter falling to his side—“it true?”
“About Margaret’s connection to you?” I ask.
His chin moves to the left one inch. “That you love me?”
The tears break. “Of course it’s true. How could it not be? I loved you almost instantly, before I really even knew you. Before I understood it. I trusted you, and I loved you, and I still do.”


😭😭😭

I’m not sure how to say this. I feel guilty saying it, because I think it would break her heart to hear, even if it’s true. “I think she loves me because I’m her daughter. But I’ve never felt sure she loves me because I’m me. Does that make sense?”


mommy issues hitting hard

He laughs a little, one soft rasp, and presses a kiss to the crown of my head that makes me feel volcanic, like lava is coursing down me.


LOVE HIM

Im not sure what I can say, can do, where the delicate invisible boundary between us lies. So I do what he did. I bring his hand up to my lips, my eyes falling closed as I press a kiss to his skin, smell his almond soap, and taste the salt of his sweat on the tip of my tongue. I feel his forehead bow to press against my shoulder, his free hand coming up to gently cradle the back of my neck as we stand there together.

He gazes down at me, his expression vulnerable, his usually severe features somehow diffused in the streetlight. “I don’t know anyone like you,” he says.
“I don’t know anyone like you,” I tell him.
“I’m serious,” he says, voice hushed.
“So am I,” I reply.


🫀

“You’re worried I’ll get too attached,” I guess.
“I’m worried about the work,” he says. “Neither of us can afford to be pulling punches here. If either of us doesn’t give this our all, we’ll regret it. And then we’ll resent each other for it. And I don’t know if I can handle being the one person on the planet Alice Scott doesn’t like.”


omgomgomgomg

“And I know I’m not who you pictured yourself with, but I think I could be, eventually. If you’ll let me. So don’t go. Because I don’t want you to. Because you’re my best friend, and I’m in love with you.”


LOVE HIM

“No,” I stammer.
“No?” Miles gives a hoarse laugh. “How is that a response to what I just said? I just told you I love you, Daphne.”
“And I’m telling you no.” I undo my seat belt with trembling hands. “You don’t get to say that to me. You don’t get to disappear, and then show up and buy me fucking fudge and pick me up from work, and tell me you love me—”
“I do love you,” he cries.


MAN

“She just needed to borrow my truck to move some stuff,” Miles says, voice fraying. “And like I said, I got caught up.”
Caught up. There will always be a Petra. Someone more interesting, someone more fun, someone who needs less, or offers more.

im in actual tears

I brush my fingers over the condensation on the outside of his beer bottle, then smudge the mark out of his skin. “Can’t take you anywhere.”
He leans in so I can hear him. “If I had a beard,” he shouts, “this never would’ve happened.”
“You could be in the ghost-face mask from Scream and this would still happen,” I say.


DEAD

He looks over, the engine starting with a sputtering cough. “Do me a favor,” he says lightly, “and unlock your door.”
“Why?”
“So I can push you out as I peel out of this parking lot,” he says.
“You would never,” I say.
“I would never,” he admits, and pulls onto the road. He turns us away from town and the water, toward the countryside.


i think im in love

“Yeah, well,” I say, “I thought about taking a video of myself giving you a lap dance, but I don’t have anything to mount your phone on, so this was the next best thing.”
“I will happily go back into the woods, find some sticks, and build you a tripod, Daphne,” he says.


LOVE HIM

“That’s no problem,” Miles says, pouring a taste of white wine for each of us. “All we have to do is get married, and then stay together until they split up. And if they have kids, just have one more than them. If they get a dog, we get a cuter dog. If they buy a new house, we get a mansion.”

#ilovemiles

“If nice means being alone, then . . . so be it.”

“I can give you nice. I can give you better than nice. I can give you everything.” He smiles at me, full of hope. “You don’t even have to admit to yourself that you love me, Bee. God knows I love you enough for the both of us. But I need you to stay. I need you to stick around.''


:(

“I just want you to know, not everyone is like your family. You can be . . . you can be you with me. You can talk, say, do however you want. And I’ll never hurt you like they did.” I make myself smile at him. It’s easy now. “I promise I don’t bite.”

He reaches over to take my hand, his skin warm and rough against mine. He smiles back. Just a little.

“You could rip me to shreds, Bee.”



😭😭😭

“You’re going to be okay, Nora,” he whispers against my temple, his hands loosening. “You’re going to be better than okay.”
Just like I asked, there’s no goodbye. When the song ends, he presses one last kiss against the curve of my jaw. My eyes flutter closed.
When I open them, he’s gone.
But I still feel him everywhere.
I am Heathcliff.


im still crying

His eyes are dark, sheening as he studies me.
My heart feels like a cracked egg, nothing to protect it or hold it in place. “I could stay.”
He looks away. “Nora,” he says quietly, apologetically.
Just like that, the tears are back. Charlie brushes the hair from my damp cheek. “You can’t make this decision for me, or for Libby,” he says, voice thick and rattling.
“Why not?”

im crying man

“Until you got here,” he rasps, “all this place had ever been was a reminder of the ways I was a disappointment, and now you’re here, and—I don’t know. I feel like I’m okay. So if you’re the ‘wrong kind of woman,’ then I’m the wrong kind of man.”

😭😭🫀

I play with the hem of my dress. “I understand that this is about helping me reclaim my individuality, but if we’re going to be friends, we should do stuff you like, too. Otherwise—”

“Elsie.” Hands on my chin, he lifts it till my eyes are on his. “You’re doing it. We’re doing it.” I keep looking until I cannot bear it anymore, then free myself.

<3