Caleb Tate > Recent Status Updates

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We have implicit, explicit, and autobiographical memory. Implicit is automatic and does not have the sensation of a memory being retrieved. In relational contexts where feelings or intense emotions that are experienced that dont have a clear origin is being remembered implicitly. This shows the importance of creating a more cohesive narrative about your internal experiences to make the memories explicit.

The idea of drama triangles (person A goes to person C about the ways person B has hurt them instead of going to person B first) is parallel to triangulation within a family system. In fact, drama triangles are often learned first in the family.
With spiritual abuse, McBride claims that these systems relieve inner conflict dynamics by being the rescuer in the triangle, placing you to be victim and persecutor

Healthy self-regulatory processes are only internalized after YEARS of first experiencing it in relationship.

That is sobering

“Trauma is not suffering; trauma is what is insufferable”
- Preston Hill

“high control religious communities often use the language of ‘family’ to exploit trust and engender a closeness and a kinship that haven’t been earned.”

The center for abusive systems is control. In psychological control, it is through the praising of blind faith and submission as well as the cursing of critical thinking.

Control is maintained through consequences, forced compliance, and a grooming towards codependence within the spiritual context.

Provocation works when we listen to our minds and can stay connected to ourselves and our partners through understanding what it is trying to teach us.
Provocation also occurs through what our body communicates to us in the midst of our experiences. It will give us pathways to understand our stories and where or ur partners now play a role in them.

“Anger itself is not inherently destructive; it is a natural and necessary
emotion for all of us. Even within relationships, research shows that
anger is not a predictor of negative outcomes, unless it can be classified
as contempt or criticism.”

“focus on divorcing yourself from the unhealthy patterns, not the person”