average human’s Reviews > Flourishing Heart > Status Update

The words of that boy, Vincent, still played on my mind. I hated the way it made me feel, like I wasn’t good enough.
It sent a prickle at the back of my head from the thought of failing. The threat of people touching me caused a coil in my gut while my skin rippled in disgust. The fear of me accidentally touching someone and finding them to be part of my circle kept me up at night. I wasn’t ready to find them.
I don’t think I ever will be…
All my parents tried to help in their own way. Telling me things will be fine and that it was just nerves getting to me, but as Papa had been working at the school, I overheard some stories he brought home. He was in unit five for students of the ages of thirteen to fourteen but was also asked to help out with Art History in my unit on certain days. He’d gotten a glimpse of school life there, and I heard him and my other parents talking on Wednesday night.

“I haven’t had the same class twice. I have new students every day. I thought it would be anarchy, but they are all keeping up with their work. Quite impressive really. They are not allowed to move between classes if classes are too full or if they are falling behind.” Papa chatted with enthusiasm. I could hear his impressed tone from where I was standing, in the hallway to the kitchen, out of sight.
Mother wasn’t pleased with Papa’s praise and had expressed it, she questioned if kids get too confused with the lack of structure. But Papa held firm against Mother, which was something he never really did before. It seemed like he’d gotten engulfed in the ways of this school, like a new cult member singing praise whenever he had the chance.
When the tactic of school disorder didn’t work, she brought me into the mix. But, unfortunately, her worry of me not having a good balance in life caused me to shut down again. The words hurt me as I stood in the archway of the kitchen. Not only did a stranger think I couldn’t cope, but to hear my own Mother, she had no faith in me.
“She will be fine. Our girl isn’t fragile. This is just your anxiety talking.” Da spoke. He believed in me even though he was worried. He knew I could do this. “The first day will be tense for her but when everything calms down, she will be fine.”
“Grace doesn’t know how to deal with these things!” Mother cried, her voice shaking, she needed to gasp for the breath she was lacking. I was making my mother cry. Her shoulders shuddered as she let out her fears for me to see. Daddy, rubbing her back in comfort while my other dads looked at her. Daddy, usually the one filled with positivity, now displayed his own worry clearly on his face. “She can handle social interactions well,” he said, but even his words didn’t sound as confident when he told them to me.
“Brenda”, Papa whispered quietly. His eyes flickered to me. I was finally caught sneaking. I knew I should cough or say something, but I was fixed to the spot listening to my mother’s worries. Was I causing my family that much stress?
“She doesn’t Philip. Children are cruel. They will say things to her. My work gets critiqued already. I don’t want her to experience the hate.”
“Brenda!” Da snapped as all eyes went to me. I felt my stomach drop with weight as all eyes were on me, making me shuffle my feet from the need to run. The drink I wanted to get was long forgotten and I ran back to my room in humiliation.

13%

“You don’t talk much, do you.” Gram stated. Her eyes observed me, making me look up at her. She openly gawked back, waiting. Did she want me to confirm or deny her statement?
“We couldn’t get our kids to shut up when they were her age. Is she okay?” Grandma G asked as she and my parents came into the kitchen, coming around the table. My teeth ached as I rubbed them together. I didn’t like it when people spoke of me like I wasn’t actually here. I may be quiet and didn’t like talking, but I was still here.
“She is fine. Grace is just quiet,” Mother addressed. Her hand stroked my back, comforting, as she sat down next to me. Mother’s hand made me realize how rigid I really felt.
“She can’t be yours then,” Gram snipped toward Da, who sat next to me on my left. “You never stopped yapping” Mother’s hand paused while my dads frowned at Gram.
I didn’t know who my biological Dad was, and neither did they and each dad still treated me equally. I never questioned who my biological Dad was as it didn’t matter. I loved them all equally and they all loved me back, it didn’t matter but for Gram to assume, didn’t feel good. I wanted all my dads to be a part of me.
“Grace is mine as much as the others,” Da said hastily but was ignored.
“It’s not natural to have one child. You should have more,” Gram whined. It reminded me of a child I had seen about to throw a temper tantrum in a sweet shop. “A younger brother or sister would bring her out of her shell. Caring for her brothers and sister would be a great lesson for her in motherhood.”
“We are comfortable with the one we have, and if we did, we wouldn’t feel right having Grace look after our other children,” Father spoke flatly. Then, he went straight to the coffee pot next to him and poured himself a big cup.
“Did me good to look after my siblings.” Grandma G mumbled, putting the casserole full of meatloaf in the center of the table.
“We are so happy that you moved back!” Gram spoke rubbing Da’s cheek lovingly “We missed you”
Grandma G nodded along with her bottom lip pouting sitting next to Da “It hasn’t been the same without you, Graham”
Da gave a soft smile as he gave a comforting pat on Grandma G hand a pat “We are back now, Mama”
“For good I hope” Gram grumbled filling up the water jug by the sink before walking back to the table. “Only water in our household.” Gram randomly added, placing the large jug next to Da.
She was quick to pour him a cup. No one said anything as serving bowls full of food were placed. The fear of awkwardness was becoming a reality as silence around us thickened.