average human’s Reviews > Flourishing Heart > Status Update

I made this mess because I didn’t want Papa to tell her and because of that he was now fighting with Mother. I knew listening would make me feel worse, but how could I ignore Papa getting the heat for something that I wanted.
“I admit, I should have messaged you, but we both didn’t want to cause you this distress.” Papa spoke and the sound of plates hitting on hard countertops rang loud.
“How could you keep this from me? Instead, I get a call from the school, with their concerns about her settling in and on top of that her getting bullied. Yet you were not going to tell me? I’m her mother, Philip!”
A deep pit started to form in my stomach at mother’s words. The thought of me doing well at school went as confusion piled on. The school thought I wasn’t settling? Was I really that bad?
“And I’m her dad. Brenda, you know what this school is like. They are concern of her not interacting with the others, along with her lack of desire to search for her circle. They came to me with this, and I was honest, I said they didn’t need to worry. So why can’t my word be enough? Why don’t you trust me in making decisions for our child?”
“Because you make the wrong ones!”
The silence was deafening. I was too scared to breathe, in case I missed his reply, but nothing was heard. The house itself felt on pause. Even outside it was still. Utter silence.
“You were going to lie to me, Philip. You were going to sit down at our table and say everything is fine. Our daughter got assaulted, and you made that choice not to tell me,” Mother sobbed, her breathing erratic, falling apart from the inside out.
My doing.
“I didn’t mean to cause you pain, Brenda. Kids can be mean and do things without a second thought. I honestly believe this was a one-time thing. These things happen” Papa sounded rough, but he still tried to make Mother see to his reason.
“Not like this.” Mother cried to the point her words were close to not sounding recognizable. “She is getting harassed because of me.”
“Brenda, we all knew this was a possibility.” Da cut in. He didn’t sound angry, just stating what they already knew. This wasn’t a new concern they all had. It was one of the many reasons I never went to school before.
“We all sat down that day and made the choice on what you believe in- what we believe in. We knew the risks when we decided to go down this path. You understood the sacrifice you and all of us had to face, but you are doing it for a better world, Brenda, for her and for others. We all came to that agreement,” Da continued softly, taking a small stance with Papa.
“We agreed to protect her,” she said breathlessly. “This isn’t protecting when she is exposed to the vile words that people say about us.”
“Grace needs to learn to deal with things on her own, Brenda” It was now Father that spoke, ”, She needs to learn.”
“I don't think she should go back to school.” Mother moaned into a sob. The tremor of her voice was a clear sign of the worry she felt for me.
“Brenda, it has only been a week. Don’t do this” Da's voice took a warning tone. A sound ready to defend if need be “This doesn’t mean anything.”
“No, with my line of work, it’s only going to get worse. People will attack her to get to me- we've already gotten a few death threats as it is. This was a sign, and my gut has been telling me this was a mistake. She is safer at home.”
No, I wanted to stay in school. The thought of Julia, Hannah and Kristina. Hell, even Apollo popped into my mind. They made me happy. Their teasing and bantering always brought a smile to my face and gave me a thrill of excitement. I even enjoyed all my classes. I didn’t want to stay home all day.
Didn’t I get a say?
Why couldn’t I be better at this?
A loud slam of a table was rattled.
“This is your own fear talking, and if you allow it, it will bring Grace down!” Da shouted. I’ve heard arguments before, but his temper was on another level. “It is you that’s doing this to her!”
“I am protecting her, Graham! We can’t all go about living with a fantasy that doesn’t exist. The world is cruel and harsh and to think otherwise will only break her heart!”
“She should have been allowed to fantasize! There is nothing wrong with that! You made her the way she is and look at her now!”
I couldn’t help but curl in on myself on my bedroom floor, Da’s harsh judgement digging deep in my stomach with a painful twist. Was this how he truly felt about me?
“For so long I have watched what you’re doing to her. I made excuses in my head because I knew you were doing this because you love her and want to protect her. But this is your fear talking, you’re going to end up smothering her and I can’t step back and let that happen, Brenda. She is flourishing at this school. So, don’t you dare take this away from her!” Da continued.
“Stop living through our daughter, Graham! I have seen you pushing her. She isn’t like you!”
“I’m not doing a goddamn thing! I’m giving her the support she needs.”
“What she needs is to be safe!”
Bringing my head up from the wooden floor, I tried to work on my breathing. My chest hurt as my parent’s words echoed in my mind. The vibration of their war was felt on the floor and walls. It pulsed with a dark atmosphere that was smothering.
My fault, my brain echoed in a nasty sound. My own fault for bringing these issues here to my family. If only I could have done better.
“You want her to end up like us?” Mother screeched, her voice ringing loud enough to easily hear without my ear to the ground as their voices came near the stairs. So much for Father placing my room apart from theirs when they argue in the kitchen.
“Don’t… Don’t you dare, keep throwing it back in my face, Brenda.” Da’s voice sounded dark and low, a type of growl of menace that didn’t sound like him at all. He was not my happy go lucky Da. Instead, he sounded like a stranger. “We were both young, but we grew from it. That is what life is all about. You make mistakes, you learn and grow, but you won’t allow her that, will you!”
“I am protecting our daughter!”
“And so am I! But damn it, Brenda, why can’t you see what you’re doing to her?”
“Why can’t you see what you have done to me!” Deep thumps of footsteps came up the stairs before the doors slammed with a loud bang.
A shift had just happened in my family. A kind of foreboding that wasn’t felt till now. The house itself became tense as it descended to silence. It was nice that we had no neighbors next door to us. It was common to have those nosey looks of our neighbors at our old city apartment.
The urge to move, to do something- anything- was hot on my heels. But the thought of going to my mother and seeing her tear-stained eyes made me hesitant. She had to know I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I had to show I wanted to go to school. What happened today was nothing, right?
My own thoughts battled it out as I crept into the hall. Da’s door cracked open, only allowing a sliver of light in the dark landing.
“I don’t want you to go,” Daddy’s voice cracked, broken, as he barely managed a whisper.
“I love her so much, Rodger, but I cannot stay in this house feeling like this. I’m too angry, and I don’t want to say something that we will both regret. We both need some time to breathe.”
My hand went to my mouth to muffle my gasp. Da was leaving because of me.
“How long?” Daddy choked. He gave a cough, his chest slightly wheezing as he tried to take deep breaths. All my family was now suffering.
My doing, all because I wanted to keep this a secret. My breath left me as I contained a sob.
“A few days. One of my Ma’s needed some help building a new shed anyway.” Da was leaving to go to a place I didn’t want to follow. Why would he go there? He was never happy when he visited. Was our family that bad?
“I’ll miss you” A shuffle was heard, and I quickly peeked to see Da giving a peck on Daddy’s head as he hugged him close. His hands rubbed in circular motions on his back, a comfort he often gave.
“It’s not forever, Rodger. I’ll be a phone call and a twenty-minute drive away.”
“I know, but this is the first time we will be apart.”
Da gave him a weak smile. “We will be fine.”
“You should talk to Grace before you leave. This will…” Daddy dropped the sentence as his head hung from his quaking shoulders.
Footsteps came from the stairs, making me retreat. None of my parents liked my eavesdropping, and to be caught right now wouldn’t help anyone. It wasn’t long till a soft knock came to my door after I closed it silently.
Papa looked tired. Purple bags hung from his eyelids, and his hair rumpled. The tie he wore today, now gone, and his collar open, his typical look when he came home.
“It’s my fault,” I started as the sob I tried so hard to contain was released.
“No, Grace, none of this is your fault,” Papa whispered. He stepped into my room, giving me a hug. His lips pressed down on my hair before he stepped back, his arms out long, looking at me with an inspection.
“This has nothing to do with you. Of course, your mother, and the rest of us have our own issues to deal with, but none of them are to do with you.”
“But I’m the domino that started the fall” I tried to stop the tears as I choked on the words of my apology.
“You,” he brushed the fallen tears off my face, smudging the wetness on my cheek, “You are our daughter. We are the parents. This isn’t your fault, Grace” Papa’s words were as soft as he gave a sad smile.
“But Mother and Da”
“They have had their own problems since way before you were born, Grace. They have their own obstacles to work out.” Papa gave a sigh as he took my dirty dinner plate before leaving. Then, he turned back to me, “You still have school tomorrow, so please get some sleep.”
A fluttery feeling erupted in my stomach. I was still going to school.
Papa left me with my own thoughts. Even with the relief that I was still going to school, I couldn’t sleep knowing Da was leaving. Quietly I went out into the hallway and knocked on his door. Opening it, my breath hitched in my throat as I saw Da was packing his suitcase.
“Da?”
Da looked up, and his face changed. His tenseness seemed to dissolve as he saw me in his doorway. My throat burned along with my eyes as I tried to swallow.
“Aahh, Kiddo,” Da sighed as he sat on the bed rubbing his face. He knew I had heard them.
“Are… are you going to separate?” I would never forgive myself if they did. It would be because of me, which alone was a killer.
“No. Never. I just need a little bit of space. So I’m going to stay at my parents’ house” He tried to force a happy smile, but it was fake. His whole manner looked exhausted. Moving here was meant to be better for all of us, yet I felt like I was losing Da.
“I’m sorry.” I mumbled.
“Why are you sorry?” He asked, scowling at me.
“Because-”

“This isn’t your fault.” Da cut me off before I could utter another word. He gave me another stern look as I tried to open my mouth in protest. “Kiddo, this needs to happen. This needed to happen a while ago. It is both mine and your mother’s fault that we let it go this far. Your Mother loves you so much. She says things out of fear because of her love for you. Fear can make people act strangely but inside their own mind they believe it’s for the best. Please don’t let her way of shielding you make you bitter. You’re our only child, and we will do anything to protect you and to make sure the world is a better place for you. That’s all we can do as parents.”
“I understand.” I said truthfully. I might have found mother being overprotective with me, but I knew she loved me. I knew she wanted me to be the best, but what she feared I wasn’t so sure. I knew I just had to show her I was capable. I could handle that but what I couldn’t was her way with Da.
“Just promise me something.” Da asked suddenly.
“What?”
“Don’t feel sorry. Continue to be a teen no matter what happens. It will give your old man some peace of mind. I’m selfish like that” He gave his signature wide smile, but my throat and eyes stung as his words sounded like a goodbye.
“Okay, Da.” I forced the words out my mouth with a little cough, “I promise.”
A knock came from his open door, Mother stood there looking defeated. Her hair frizzy and her skin under her eyes were swollen of red blotches. Da went back to being stiff like he was ready for another round of shouting.
I hate this.
“Can we have a talk?” She whispered, her eyes only for Da. His brows bumped together in a scowl, but he gave her a curt nod making his jaw muscle flex like he was grinding his teeth.
Da gave me a quick hug and a hair ruffle. “It will be okay, Kiddo. Go get some sleep. I love you.”
I left with the hopes that Mother would fix this. If she asked him not to leave, he wouldn’t be able to. But my hope got cut short when I laid there in my bed, unable to sleep, wondering if Da would be here when I woke up. But I knew the answer by the slam of the front door.
The distant sound of Da’s truck turning on allowed my grief to flow as my tears erupted from me silently.
Da had left.