Joanna’s Reviews > 10 Things That Never Happened > Status Update

"We had to move the bed", Jonathan reminds me. "It's propped against the wall."
"So I'll sleep at an angle."
"You will not." I think Wendy knows I'm joking, but it's sort of hard to tell. "He will not. Jonathan, you're not letting him sleep at an angle. We didn't raise you to let guests sleep at an angle."
Jonathan sighs. "He's not going to sleep at an angle, Mum."

Upending the bird, I coax it open and gently drop the halves of lemon into it. "You see? It just goes in. You don't have to get wrist deep."
"It says STUFF. Stuff, to me, implies vigour."

"What are your thoughts on parsnips?"
"I thought they went downhill after their third album. What do you mean, what are my thoughts on parsnips? I don't have thoughts on parsnips. Who has thoughts on parsnips? Who has time to have thoughts on parsnips?"
🤣🤣

I look sorry enough for myself at breakfast that Jonathan (...) almost gives something vaguely like the impression that he might be beginning to feel something that might at some point move somewhere in the direction of guilty.

There's woodpeckers here, apparently, and Dartford warbles. Not that I'd know a Dartford warbler if I fell over one while it was warbling its distinctive warble of 'I'm from Dartford '. 🤣🤣