Atiyeh’s Reviews > The Mindful Couple: How Acceptance and Mindfulness Can Lead You to the Love You Want > Status Update

When we’re disappointed by a partner, it’s easy to point to a negative characteristic as the problem. See if you can discover a different way to reconcile your partner’s many dimensions.

Make a list of qualities you appreciate in your partner and consider to be assets. For example, your list might include “honest,” “trustworthy,” and “funny.” Now make a list of qualities that bother you, such as “stubborn” or “forgetful.” Jot down as many as you can in both categories. Now examine both lists carefully, looking for positive and negative qualities that might go hand in hand.

it’s important not to let yourself off the hook in this kind of situation but instead to take ownership of your own stuff.

finding a balance between self-rigor and self-acceptance.

Acceptance, however, is not about resignation. It’s far more intentional than that. When you actively choose to welcome in, you’re both aware that you are choosing and also aware that you could shut the door. No one is making you do this. Just as you choose, moment by moment, whether or not to remain in a relationship, so do you choose to favorably receive your partner in his or her entirety.

When you decided to enter into a relationship, you extended an invitation to your partner to come in. That means all of him or her, not just the parts you approved of and know about. Imagine if the process of dating involved your date showing up with a detailed list of all his or her various attributes, quirks, and problematic behaviors.

Acceptance can be defined as a “mental attitude that something is believable and should be accepted as true.” It also can be defined as “the act of accepting with approval.” In relationships, the first definition is easier to pursue.

• Wipe the whiskers out of the sink instead of complaining.
• Leave a chocolate kiss on his or her pillow and don’t talk about it.
• Set the trash out without being asked.
• Give an unsolicited shoulder rub. • Say, “I love you.”
• Give a compliment, even if you don’t feel like it.

It doesn’t matter if you reach a grand experience of love, you and your partner can always find more ways to be loving to each other.