Esra’s Reviews > Actually, It Is Your Parents' Fault: Why Your Romantic Relationship Isn't Working, and How to Fix It > Status Update

Remember that silence, or a well-timed "I'll have to
think about it," won't weaken your argument. But
winging it will.

Volume—
in the
"loudness"
sense of the word—
is
not your friend when you're trying to convince
someone of something. In fact, I once knew a man
who could dominate business meetings by barely
speaking above a whisper. He talked so softly that
people had to lean forward in their chairs and listen
carefully just to hear him. Make people concentrate
on what you're saying, and not on an obnoxious tone
of voice

There is one magic phrase that often marks the beginning of the end of a conversation: "Oh, yeah? Well,
remember that time xhdiyou
.
.
." If you start bringing
up things that happened more than a week ago, you
sound like you're trying to get even rather than make a
point. Keep your conversation focused on the present,
because constantly looking backward makes it very
hard to move forward

Lisa's mom greeted her with, "You went that far to
lose?" And though she could rationally see her accomplishments, her brains, and her beauty, Lisa unconsciously felt like
a loser.

If that childhood of
ours was marked by
mostly negative
feeling states being
passed back and forth
between us and one
or both parents, we'll
go on seeking those
lousy feeling states
all over again.

They're
essentially running from one relationship to the next
—
without
wondering
what
it
is within
themselves
that contributed
to
the divorce
—
and
they
often
end up marrying
the new person. But it's a pretty safe bet that they've just attached themselves to a person with the same personality characteristics
that, when joined to their own, will produce the same problems they've just walked away fro

that's why the silent treatment is so effective in
wounding someone you're upset with: in the absence of information, the mind has a way of jumping to the worst possible conclusion and adding to your misery. C

repetitive behavior patterns are by-products
of personality, and therefore can tell you a great deal about
the person who possesses them.