Arthur Graham’s Reviews > Statue of Limitations > Status Update
Arthur Graham
is on page 120 of 121
I’m asleep in the dining room of a Church’s Chicken, and my face is stuck to the table.
— Feb 04, 2026 09:12AM
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Arthur Graham
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This story begins with a man, a dream, and a statue. Or maybe it’s a man, a garbage fire, and an unfortunate problem.
— Feb 04, 2026 09:13AM
Arthur Graham
is on page 119 of 121
The Ambien warning label is now required to have verbiage saying that in some rare cases, you may fly an AH-64D Apache Longbow attack helicopter and fire AGR-20A Advanced Precision Kill Weapon System precision-guided munitions at ground targets in your sleep, and you should talk to your doctor immediately if this happens.
— Feb 04, 2026 08:37AM
Arthur Graham
is on page 118 of 121
I think that Jedi perfectly summed up the end of childhood for me.
— Feb 04, 2026 08:16AM
Arthur Graham
is on page 117 of 121
David Lee Roth let Eddie Van Halen play keyboards once. What the fuck does he know about nutrition? I saw a picture of him recently and he looks like the fucking crypt keeper. Maybe if it was a breakfast of brown M&M’s and cocaine, he would know full details on it.
— Feb 03, 2026 05:05PM
Arthur Graham
is on page 116 of 121
“Let’s get us some fuckin’ pannycakes!” Freddy kicked me in the back with his velcro Keds while I tried to sleep on the floor of the Satanic man-cave room in his mom’s basement. Spending the night at Freddy’s was always the worst possible scenario.
— Feb 02, 2026 05:40PM
Arthur Graham
is on page 114 of 121
We’re all time travelers, moving one second into the future every second.
— Feb 02, 2026 02:45PM
Arthur Graham
is on page 98 of 121
One time, I ran into Iggy Pop at a Chipotle in Orem, Utah. He had a “black card” from Chipotle corporate, which gave him unlimited everything at any Chipotle restaurant. I guess they used a quote from the song “I Wanna Be Your Dog” on the side of a drink cup, and he got paid with free Chipotle for life.
— Feb 01, 2026 06:19AM
Arthur Graham
is on page 93 of 121
Me and Virgil cruised the mini-marts in a hundred-mile radius in his beaten-up jeep, looking for the one magical gas station that might still have Surge soda. (This was after the supply had run out, but long before they briefly rebooted it.) That fully-loaded citrus elixir, a magic mix of caffeine and terror, propelled me through life for years before suddenly vanishing from most stores.
— Jan 19, 2026 07:12PM
Arthur Graham
is on page 88 of 121
Peggy was just a friend, and despite telling me “we’re just friends and I’d never fuck you” like six times an hour for our entire friendship, she wrote me a giant letter ten years later saying she totally wanted to fuck me and was constantly giving me the green light, and I was a fucking idiot for never picking it up,
— Jan 19, 2026 06:03PM
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Feb 04, 2026 09:13AM
(cont.) The booth’s horizontal eating surface is a high-sheen fake wood that’s sticky like flypaper, and when I wake up, it takes significant effort to pry my cheek from it. At first, there’s an immense fear that I will pull loose the skin from my face and end up in a burn center for skin transplants, and I’ll spend the rest of my life explaining that no, I didn’t get in a car accident or fall asleep free-basing; I just blacked out at a shitty chicken restaurant.
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