Alex Weller’s Reviews > The Calvin and Hobbes Portable Compendium Set 1 > Status Update

Moe tells Calvin he has two periods left to live before he turns Calvin into hamburger casserole in gym class. Calvin hates gym class because the coach "thinks violence is aerobic". I see.

Calvin tells Hobbes he almost died from laughter when a classmate told a funny story. But not from the story itself. He laughed because when the classmate laughed, the milk he was drinking came out his nose. That's ... nice, Calvin.

Calvin has trouble building a model airplane because he can't understand the instructions. So he smashes it with a hammer and concludes that it was hit by anti-aircraft guns, which his planes seem to fly into a lot, according to Hobbes. Maybe get some help for that, Calvin.

Calvin forgot to do his homework for school, so he decides to give himself a cold so he can stay home. When his mom goes to give him cough medicine, he tries to tell her it was Hobbes coughing because the medicine tastes awful. She gives it to him and he suffers through it, then tries to trick Hobbes into taking it. But Hobbes doesn't fall for it. Good idea, Hobbes.

Calvin is out fishing, but a fish comes out of the water and bites him right in the ass. When Hobbes comes and asks if the fish are biting, Calvin tells him to drop dead. Yeesh!

Calvin attempts to catch fish by shouting "Here, fish!" and waiting for them to leap into his bucket. But when they fail to show up, Calvin decides they must know that trick already.

Calvin asks Hobbes what he would want if he could have anything. When Hobbes says he wants a sunny field, Calvin complains because Hobbes has that now, encouraging him to think bigger. But when Hobbes proceeds to doze off in the field, Calvin decides it's hard to argue with someone who looks so happy. Good advice, Cal.

Calvin declares himself dictator of the backyard, claiming that he alone will decide the law. But when his mom comes and tells him it's time for bed, he asks if they can vote on it. Make up your mind, Cal. Are you FOR or AGAINST fascism?

Calvin is Spaceman Spiff once again, trying to run back to his spaceship from a disgusting scum being. But Spiff is too late, and the alien grabs him before he can get inside. In real life, it's his teacher trying to get Calvin back inside because recess is over. Of course.

Calvin complains that it's not fair that his parents get to stay up late but he doesn't. When Dad tells him the world isn't fair, Calvin complains that it's never unfair in his favor. I think we can all relate to that, Calvin.