Nick DiMaggio’s Reviews > Insecure in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It > Status Update

Just as with dancing, relationships need work and practice. While you must rely on your partner, you must also feel balanced within yourself. Acknowledge that there will be missteps, but focus on the positive. Doing so can help you to move in harmony with your inner self and with your partner.

A good partner can help you become more of the person you want to be. This is termed by psychologists as the Michelangelo phenomenon. Much like Michelangelo would, through sculpting, bring out the beautiful forms that he could see in a block of stone before him, a loving partner can bring out your optimum or “ideal” self and reveal this beautiful nature in you.

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”

In addition, the more strongly you identify with some aspect of your personality, the more motivated you are to interpret your actions from that perspective and then continue to behave accordingly.

So to the extent that childhood caretakers were inconsistent or unavailable in providing you with a safe haven, you will likely be preoccupied with the fear of your partner leaving or rejecting you. To enjoy a secure and happy relationship, you need to face your fears of being unlovable and rejected, understand them, and nurture a new sense of having a safe haven in your adult relationships.

As important as self-awareness is, it’s equally important to recognize that it occurs in the context of your relationship with yourself. And many people are too hard on themselves. Just as you would attend to a hurt child by being nurturing, it is extremely helpful to approach yourself in a compassionate manner.