John Irving’s Reviews > Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Third Edition > Status Update
John Irving
is 42% done
1.65 mi | 31min | listening to: Crucial Conversations
[entry 5]
hot words
- not fact
- avoid & swap w/ facts
confirmation bias
self justifying clever stories
- victim
- villain
- helpless
transform clever -> useful
- clever = incomplete
- tell rest of story
- victors -> actors
- villains -> people
- helpless -> able
- return to original motive
— Apr 20, 2026 07:29PM
[entry 5]
hot words
- not fact
- avoid & swap w/ facts
confirmation bias
self justifying clever stories
- victim
- villain
- helpless
transform clever -> useful
- clever = incomplete
- tell rest of story
- victors -> actors
- villains -> people
- helpless -> able
- return to original motive
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John’s Previous Updates
John Irving
is 35% done
2.71mi | 35min | Listening to: Crucial Conversations
[Entry 4]
Recall:
Emotions
- act or be acted upon
- perceive -> *tell story* -> feel
- control story = control feeling
Stories
- interpret facts
- often irrational
- take a step back to see if accurate
- expand emotional vocab
— Apr 06, 2026 08:00PM
[Entry 4]
Recall:
Emotions
- act or be acted upon
- perceive -> *tell story* -> feel
- control story = control feeling
Stories
- interpret facts
- often irrational
- take a step back to see if accurate
- expand emotional vocab
John Irving
is 28% done
2.47mi | 38m 46s | Listening to: Crucial Conversations
[Entry 3]
Summary:
Start with the heart
- look inward
- u r only person u can control
Motives
- ask yourself what your motive REALLY is
- find your motive for self, other, & relationship
- long term
- avoid motive drift
- ask how to approach this motive
Avoid fool's choice
- find the and
— Apr 02, 2026 08:28PM
[Entry 3]
Summary:
Start with the heart
- look inward
- u r only person u can control
Motives
- ask yourself what your motive REALLY is
- find your motive for self, other, & relationship
- long term
- avoid motive drift
- ask how to approach this motive
Avoid fool's choice
- find the and
John Irving
is 22% done
3.45mi | 1hr 2m | Listening to: Crucial Conversations
recall:
CC skills
- false dilema: tell truth/lose friend
- avoid
- get all feelings out
Choosing convo
2 mistakes
- choosing easy issue
- " recent issue
3 signs of wrong convo
Emotions escalate
Skeptical
Deja vu
3 skills
1. Unbundle
- Content
- Pattern
- Relationship
- Process
2. Choose problem
3 Simplify
Use bookmarks when new issues come up
— Mar 31, 2026 08:10PM
recall:
CC skills
- false dilema: tell truth/lose friend
- avoid
- get all feelings out
Choosing convo
2 mistakes
- choosing easy issue
- " recent issue
3 signs of wrong convo
Emotions escalate
Skeptical
Deja vu
3 skills
1. Unbundle
- Content
- Pattern
- Relationship
- Process
2. Choose problem
3 Simplify
Use bookmarks when new issues come up
John Irving
is 9% done
2.44 mi | 43min | listening to: Crucial Conversations
Entry 1
Recall:
What = CC?
- CC = diff opinions, high stakes, strong emot.
- CC - high impact on life
- longer lag time -> worse impact
- Act out/talk out
3 Paths
- Avoid
- Bad convo
- Good convo
Avoid
- leads 2 act out
- make stuff worse
Bad convo
- fight/flight, emotional reaction
Rest of book = how 2 good convo
- knowing how to CC improve everything
— Mar 30, 2026 07:48PM
Entry 1
Recall:
What = CC?
- CC = diff opinions, high stakes, strong emot.
- CC - high impact on life
- longer lag time -> worse impact
- Act out/talk out
3 Paths
- Avoid
- Bad convo
- Good convo
Avoid
- leads 2 act out
- make stuff worse
Bad convo
- fight/flight, emotional reaction
Rest of book = how 2 good convo
- knowing how to CC improve everything
