average human’s Reviews > The Gods Veiling > Status Update

Wordlessly, he joins my side as our swords cut through the air and in seconds, we’re surrounded by his brothers.
I shut everything within me down. I blissfully fall into ignorant silence as my body moves through the motions. Any emotion that tries to swell within me, I douse it before it can rise.
In my mind, this isn’t real.
Nothing is real.
This is a fretful dream of extreme training that I’ll learn a valuable lesson from once I wake up.
Unfortunately, that delusion doesn’t last very long.
That last Oblirian body falls at a Defender’s foot and he raises his sword. He bellows to the starless sky and nearly all the surrounding gods respond. The resounding noise creates a symphony I can’t get out of my ears. The ferocious ring makes my hands shake.
They’re celebrating a victory. I guess it was a well-deserved victory seeing as lives were on the line. But at the end of the day, this shouldn’t be happening.
This place…the Abandon shouldn’t exist.
My feet continue their forward march. The last thing I want is to have any part of this celebration. I want to get the fuck out of here.
“Thayla.”
“Thayla, wait.”
My name continues to echo behind me. I recognize each voice, but I ignore them all the same, until one far too close to me calls out.
“Thay.”
I spin around, sword at the ready.
The tip of the deadly weapon sits on the breast plate above Mellcom’s heart. He raises his hands slowly as my chest rises rapidly. Jeremiah slows his run to a jog as he comes to his side. His eyes are wild, looking between the two of us, and that’s the only amount of attention I give him as the rest of his Valtrue joins them.
Mine surrounds me.
“Thayla, remember what—”
“Don’t attempt to remind me what your sword is capable of, Creed. I’m well aware. I quit counting the lives I was taking when I hit fourteen.”
There’s no emotion to my voice as it comes out. It’s as hollow as I feel right now. My face must speak a thousand words more, though, as Mellcom’s falls. It makes me sneer.
“I know you’re upset. I just wanted to check on you and make sure you’re okay. I’m trying to be here for you like I promised I would. I’m always going to be here, Thay.”
Something akin to slime slithers across my skin as his smooth words travel through his lips. The sensation makes my heart hurt and my hand twitch. The way his hunter green eyes flash for a split second makes everything freeze once again, though.
I’ve seen enough changes to gods’ eyes to know what that means.
“Your powers have settled, and you dare use them on me right now?”
He blanches. “I don’t have control of them yet. I just want you to calm down and hear me out.”
“LIES.” My shout silences the entire Abandon. My Valtrue takes a step closer, but my voice halts them. “Don’t interfere.”
“Thayla, you’re going to put the sword down. You, me, and Jeremiah are going to go get in the carriage and talk this out. Your Valtrue can starshoot back and we’ll bring you home. Tell them that’s what you want to do.”
The desire, the need to agree with him, is overwhelming. The command behind his quietly whispered words pierces me straight in the chest and I want to sob.
“You motherfucker—”
A ground-shaking neigh fills the air, cutting off whatever else Kyzen might have wanted to say. I don’t remove the sword or my eyes from Mellcom even though he looks over my head with fear coloring his features. He and his entire Valtrue stumble backward when the sound of hooves drops down behind me.
It’s a battle to keep my tears at bay as the level of his betrayal sinks even deeper. I don’t know what kind of abilities he has within the domain of pain, but it’s obviously not physical. It’s emotional.
The war within myself becomes even harder to fight when Seismet nuzzles against my arm that’s still pointing the sword.
“You’ve had enough of the Abandon for one night, Thayla. Allow me to escort you back.”
He continues to rub my arm until it trembles and I slowly lower it.
“Whatever that was, whatever you just did, just sealed it for me, Mellcom. I will never forgive you. Get out of my sight.”
He shakes his head in denial as though that will change my mind. Too bad it isn’t only my mind that’s made up.
My heart has hardened.
Jeremiah clings to him, no matter how many times he elbows him off. When the rest of his Valtrue latches onto him and pulls him back a couple of steps more, his bellows of my name and begging for forgiveness cause the stone I just placed around my heart to crack.
No, don’t give in.
I turn my back to him and nod at Seismet.
There’s so much to be said in the eyes of my Valtrue. I’m not sure what to say or do, but I need a moment away from them. From everything.
This reality is too much to bear right now.
“Thayla, allow us to—”
“Not right now, Amick. I’ll meet you at the house.”
He, Kyzen, and even Riven bow their heads in a mixture of defeat and something along the lines of acceptance. Creed’s waiting at Seismet’s side with a scowl of disapproval.
We stare at one another for a tense moment. I don’t know what passes between us. I believe they’re thinking the worst. I know I am, but my mind isn’t my own right now. I can’t have a meaningful conversation with any of them at the moment.
He looks down at the sword I’m still white-knuckling and holds his hand out. I don’t hesitate to hand it over. I hopefully will never have to use that thing again. Although my heart knows that’s not the truth.
He sheathes it expertly without ever taking his eyes off mine, then he laces his fingers together as he crouches slightly in front of me.
“Let’s fly and clear your mind.”
Now understanding what it is Creed is doing, I lay my foot in his hand. He lifts me like it’s nothing and holds on to my calf as I get myself situated on Seismet’s back.
None of us speak as the four of them back away to give Seismet some room. Water continues to build in my eyes as his wings begin to stretch and flap, but I refuse to let them fall just yet.
As gently as I can, I wrap my trembling fingers into his braids as his hooves leave the ground and we hover in the air.
Still, I watch my Valtrue as we rise higher and higher.
The last thing I see as Seismet turns us is Riven’s fist connecting to Mellcom’s jaw.

79%

“Does my room tickle you?”
My mouth dries as I take sight of her. Her long hair is still wet, and she’s slowly gripping it with her towel to get the water out. The small set of shorts she has on barely pokes out under her oversized shirt and her bare toes wiggle against the floor.
This is how she’s supposed to look.
She never should be drenched in Oblirian blood.
“It does. It suits you. Perfectly.”
She hums as she glances around. “I’m not so sure about that. Did I hear someone else a second ago?”
“Yeah, Amick came to check on us.”
The corners of her lips tip up. “I’m sure he was.”
I return her small smile and slide my hands into my sweatpants. It’s like our first day meeting all over again. I’m not exactly sure what to say and I don’t want to upset her, so I wait her out.
She hangs her towel on her bathroom door and runs her hands through her hair a few times as she stares at me. “Which are you tonight, Kyzen?”
I tilt my head. “What do you mean?”
“Good god or bad god?”
A sad smile crosses my lips. “Probably some of both, little goddess.”
It’s no secret, not even to her, I’ll do the majority of the talking. Usually, it wouldn’t bother me. It’s what I’m best suited for in our Valtrue. Tonight, though, I wish someone else took the reins.
“Let’s go get the awkwardness out of the way then.”
She crosses her room to me and with a pat to my chest, she leads our way out. Each of her steps is confident, but that small tremble is still in her hands. The brave façade she’s putting on is just that. A façade.
She’s just as nervous as we are.
The kitchen and living room are deathly silent. The distant looks in my brother’s eyes, though, scream.
First, they glance at me, then all the attention moves to Thayla. She squirms in her place, then moves to the counter and wordlessly fixes her coffee with everything Creed’s left out.
Her cream of choice tonight is Riven’s, which is by far the sweetest option. A gloating little smile lights up his face like he’s pleased she chose his. I don’t think the fact that sugar helps situations like this even crosses his mind.
“Table or couch?” I ask.
“Couch.”
I arch my brow at her and she hides her smirk behind her mug. The rest of us silently follow her lead and make our drinks while she goes and chooses her seat.
Creed and Riven decide to sit on the opposite couch together, while Amick and I take a side each of hers. None of us speak.
This is officially more awkward than our first day together.
“We—”
“Mellcom is my adoptive brother and Jeremiah, if you all didn’t catch it from his comments, is my ex.”
My nose scrunches. That does make the most sense, judging their words and actions, but him? She can do so much better than that little mouthy fucker.
“Those two are irrelevant to the conversation we’re about to have.”
“I wish that were true, Amick.” She blows out a breath as she stares down at her coffee. Her eyes are glossed when she picks her head back up. “They entered me into the Veiling in Oddian without my knowledge or permission. I never wanted to come here. I didn’t want to get my powers, or be with the gods, or do any of this. I didn’t choose this for myself.”
My mouth gapes open, as do my brothers’ as we stare at her in horror. That shouldn’t even be possible. Her blood had to be offered.
“What?” Riven growls.
She takes a deep breath. There’s a war raging within her and whatever her next words are going to be makes the hair on my arms stand up. This is about to piss us all off.
And I was right.
As she explains the whole scheme the two of them devised to obtain her blood, my body grows hotter. The fury I usually keep firmly locked away pounds inside my chest.
It’s sickening they had the motives to fuck with her life like this and then turn around and act as though they’ve done nothing wrong.
“I mean no offense to you, Thayla, but your story doesn’t add up. You’re making it sound like Mellcom, and his accomplice knew you’d be chosen, and that’s impossible,” Amick speaks his concerns quietly but matter-of-fact.
“I wish that were true too, but unfortunately, that’s the truth. He did know I’d be chosen. He also knew he would be, and he prayed very hard for Jeremiah to be as well. There’s a god who apparently has his eyes on me. And it isn’t Derivius. Well, not completely him. He most certainly does, but he’s not to blame for this instance. I know you all know about his involvement because I…” She pauses once again. I wouldn’t call the look in her eye guilt, but something in that domain.
“I eavesdropped outside of Amick’s door my first night here. I didn’t just hear the shouting. I heard everything you all said.”
My heart tries to fall out through my stomach as that night replays through my mind.
Shit.
We argued about what to do about her. I said we had to babysit her. We didn’t only have to protect ourselves but her as well. That we were stuck with her. I talked about removing her tie…
The unknown reality was, she didn’t even want to be here, and she heard all that shit.
Fuck. She probably thinks the way I treat her is purely an obligation.
“Thayla, you know a lot has changed in the last month, right?”
Her face is unreadable. “Has it?”
“Yes,” I state as firmly as I can.
She isn’t an obligation. I may have felt that way to begin with, but that’s because I couldn’t wrap my head around why the hell Derivius, any of the gods, would give us a Binder. As soon as she’s done telling us what she’s comfortable with, she’ll know why that was such a big deal to us.
“There’s a lot to my history in Oddian that I’m not exactly ready to share. The gist of it is, though, a year ago on the last Veiling, I spoke out against the gods, loudly, in the center of the arena in front of my entire training group.”
“That’s what the High Chancellor’s note on you meant. That was the altercation that resulted in your punishment,” Amick concludes.
“Yes. I said a lot of things that morning, but what stuck out was me shouting to the sky ‘Fuck the gods’ and I meant it. I still mean it wholeheartedly. My truth is, I don’t pray or worship. Not even to Derivius. I really and truly can’t stand the gods. Some of them that I’ve met haven’t been as bad as I thought they all were, but my opinion hasn’t changed much. Especially the more I learn the history and hierarchical structure taurnshit.”
The relief in myself and my brothers is visible. We’ve been tiptoeing around the topic of our opinions on the gods because we didn’t know if she was close to one outside of Derivius. The gods, especially the older ones, are ruining the Valorian Veil.
“Thank fuck,” Riven exclaims dramatically as he flops back on the couch with his hand to his heart. “You’re such a confusing thing. I’ve dropped multiple hints and each time you don’t give me a straight answer. You just told me yesterday you’d pray for me.”
“Yeah, well, we are in the Godsdawn. I figured not many of these self-absorbed assholes would catch my sarcasm. I’ve never really prayed for you. And don’t fret, Riven, I’ll spend the rest of our lives not praying for you.”
“That’s such a weird way to ask me to be your husband, but I accept.”
She scoffs and shakes her head, while Amick scowls over at him. I just chuckle because this is far less worrisome than anything I thought she was going to say.
Creed leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His thumbs rub his mug mindlessly in his nervous tick and his eyes are drawn down. “Go back to the god who’s interested in you. If it isn’t Derivius, then who? What are you talking about?”
She shrugs slowly. “I don’t know.”
I listen keenly to every detail she relays about the two so-called dream visits Mellcom had and how in the Gods Veil, Derivius swore it wasn’t him but he’d find out who.
I do believe that. There’s much I could say about our off-the-wall mentor, but he’s not one to lie. He’ll straight up tell you he isn’t going to disclose what information he doesn’t want to, but he doesn’t lie when he does talk.
There’re multiple gods powerful enough to enter someone’s dreams. That’s one way they relay their messages, so it’s not a small group to narrow down. It’s not going to be easy.
“What else happened in the Veil?” Amick asks.
Thayla’s eyes lock on Creed’s for an intense moment. I try to read what’s being said silently, but neither of them gives anything away.
“I’m not quite ready to talk about that just yet. I still need a little time to figure some things out for myself.”
Amick nods, satisfied with that. He usually does appreciate people taking their time to figure out what they can for themselves. More questions than answers drive him nuts.
I don’t voice my disagreement, but it eats me up not to know. Something happened there, and it affected us all. I know that for a fact it isn’t just our new amount of power that released.
I feel myself changing. I see it in my brothers.
I just don’t bring it up to them.
“So multiple gods are fucking with all of us, huh?” Riven tosses his hand up and lets them slap down on his thighs loudly.
“It’d seem so. I’ve been warned multiple times now by both Derivius and Seismet that there are things happening in the realm and we’re at the center of it. I don’t understand why, though.”
“Seismet, does he converse with you often or normally? Or does he just drop some ominous lore every now and then?”
She smirks at me. “I’m Seismet’s Godly Companion. He dropped that truth on me while we were flying. He told me about Verlet and you all as well.”
“Big-mouthed damn Veilatara,” Riven grumbles.
I already knew that. Every obvious sign was there when we went to the meadows. I just needed to know if he had told her or not yet.
“We are. I wouldn’t say it’s a secret we keep as it’s pretty obvious to any of the Meadow Hands when we go there to visit, but it’s also not something we just share with everyone.”
“Understandable and I agree. I don’t necessarily want anyone to know about Seismet and me. Although I’m pretty sure him bursting into the Abandon and flying me away is going to have people talking.”
“It will, but more so behind your back.”
“I figured as much…”
We each drift into silence and sip our drinks. The awkwardness that had lifted is slowly starting to creep back in again. None of the four of us want to make the next comment. I really don’t. She seemed so tense admitting to us that a god is toying with her life.
We’ve been dealing with that all our lives. That isn’t detrimental news to us. Whoever that god is, they’re nothing compared to the ones who fuck with us.
“Do you all regret having me as a Binder even more now?”
“What?” Creed, Amick, and I ask, as Riven confidently says, “No more than I already did.”
“I don’t believe you know how to read social situations very accurately.”
My entire face scrunches up as I tilt my head at Amick. Thayla bites her lip before covering her mouth with her hand. His comment to Riven is so serious that I know he isn’t being sarcastic, but I’m one hundred percent positive he doesn’t see the irony in it.
“None of us regret that you’re our Binder—”
“Don’t speak for me.”

“Shut up, Riven,” I say, throwing my hands up at him. He rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. “Speaking for everyone but Riven, I’m telling you we don’t regret that you’re our Binder. I’m sorry you’ve been here this long thinking that we felt stuck with you or that we have to babysit you. You hearing our highly emotional conversation that first night was just that. Highly emotional.
“We never prepared ourselves for the possibility of a Binder because it made no sense for the gods to do that. Especially not Derivius. He’s had every opportunity to do something like this but never has. Plus, he knows our past and why we were very reluctant to this. It was a shock to our systems and honestly petrifying. If anything, the reality is, it sucks that you got stuck with us. Not the other way around.”
“I don’t understand why you all feel that way, though. Just because you’re from the Abandon?”
My heart crawls up my throat and pins and needles shoot through my blood. I close my eyes, then shake my head.
“How…” I clear my throat and lace my fingers before looking at her. I really look at her. “How much of our truth are you really asking for right now?”
“I…just.” Her mouth opens and closes multiple times.
My breathing syncs with hers as she collects herself and I try to do the same.
“As much or as little as you’re willing to tell me. There’s still a lot I’m not ready to get off my chest, so I don’t expect your whole life story and all the in-betweens. I’d like tonight explained. We can work the rest out as we go.”
A weight lifts off my shoulders. The sincerity in her eyes speaks louder than what she just said. I’m not ready to spill my whole truth, nor are my brothers. I was willing to get off my chest what I could, but if she’s giving me the opportunity to take more time, I’m going to graciously accept that, while also being honest.
My eyes meet each of my brothers’, waiting to see if they want to do this or if they expect it of me. They’ve already shut down, though. There’s no longer tension, humor, or knowledge. Their relief is visible in the way their bodies relaxed like mine, but nothingness peers back at me as they prepare for her to have the opposite reaction to what we had to her news.
I don’t truly know how she’ll react. She often surprises me when overwhelming news is presented to her, but I prepare my own mind and heart for the worst. I’d never expect her to just accept us. No one in the Godsdawn ever has. Her possible disgust and rejection will mean more than theirs ever could, though.
“What that asshole said in the carriage was true. We are from the Abandon and know all about it. Hundreds of years ago, long before any of us were alive, the Abandon was created. At the time, it wasn’t called that. A line had just been drawn across Godsden, separating the sides. The Beginning God who believes he’s above all the others tried to declare himself as the ruler of them all.”
“Which Beginning God?”
I swallow harshly. I hate to even say his name, so I don’t.
“The God of Obliteration. The barrier was placed to keep out any of their subjects who followed him. But not him, nor the other Beginning and Domain Gods who followed him. Since the Godsdawn was their birthplace, the Valories decreed they couldn’t be kept from here permanently. The other Beginning Gods who sided against him had to agree, but they made the condition if he himself ever tried to attack here, they’d bring him down. They didn’t think at the time he’d mass an army to do it for him. He very rarely shows himself. Only when he wants to stir up trouble.”
Thayla holds her hand up to halt me. “I’m sorry for cutting in again, but how do the Valories let that stand but allowed them all to disown Derivius? That’s taurnshit and makes no sense.”
“I’ll tell you Derivius’s story if that’s what you truly want,” I say, arching a brow.
She picks at her thumb before shaking her head. “No. He needs to.”
I nod in agreement. That’s a devastating tale he needs to be open with her about since he obviously plays quite the role in her life as well.
“When that God and the other Beginning Gods left, they took with them much of their essence and even slivers of the others out of the Gods Binding. They took that with them so they could create their own version as well as other creations such as their own Gods Veil. The difference being, their creations don’t have the blessing of the Valories attached to it. Therefore, it doesn’t work as the original Gods Binding that’s hidden here and that’s been used to make things such as the Volreen.
“He amassed a huge following from godly beings across Godsden but also by traveling to the other regions and bringing others back with him with the promise of power. What he didn’t think would happen is how the power with his Gods Binding would be tainted.”
“Holy shit…are you trying to tell me that the creatures we fought are beings who received power from his Binding?”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. They don’t have power like we do. Many of them have abilities, but they aren’t diverse. The Defender Designation stemmed for the God of Obliteration, so nearly every single one of the creatures possesses an ability somewhere along those lines. Strength, endurance, pain, deception. When the essence from the Gods Binding releases the power and it attaches to their souls, it changes them. Makes them darker, harder to kill, more feral, evil.”
Her mouth gapes open and she lays her fingers to her lips as she scans each of us. I don’t know whether she’s trying to see if we’re seconds away from becoming creatures or what, but I see the wheels in her mind spinning.
“So there are both, I hate to say normal gods, but yeah, normal gods and creatures living in the Abandon?”
“That’s right. They live high and mighty, lording over what we call creatures. Really, they’re Dark Gods. Don’t have much pity for them. Most of them still have plenty of sense about them. When they’ve received their orders to fight, those more deadly instincts come out, but other than that, they’re more than capable of having a conversation just as you and I are having now. At any point in time, they could come to the stronghold and ask to be brought to our Binding to have that power stripped. Some do. Some don’t. They’d still hold a small piece of that darker power, but for the most part, they’d be just like us once again.”
“I think it would be hard for me to find pity after tonight…”
Creed’s grunt calls her attention, then she focuses back on me.
“I’m following so far and understand, but what does this have to do with all of you?”
I count the creases in my white knuckles as I gather my words. “There’re rules as you’ve been learning about in Godsden that even that side is supposed to follow. Those Beginning Gods still oblige, mostly. The main one that’s important to this situation is all godly children born must be placed in the Gods Veil upon their birth so their power can be stripped.
“It’s been a law since shortly after the creation of the Gods Binding. The population struggled to grow because many times, godly children were born and were deadly. There’s an hour between when a baby is born to when their power settles. Your power grows differently when you’re born with it, compared to beings like you, who were born with two ungodly parents.
“The initial settling is brutal, then it almost becomes dormant, growing through the years with you. Newborns can’t control that initial burst. They harmed others and themselves every single birth. It became too much of a risk to allow them to hit that hour mark.
“Long before there was such a thing as a Veiling day, around your teenage years, if you showed enough level of maturity, your power would begin being released to you. Your twenties would be when it was fully returned.
“We, Creed, Amick, and I are triplets. Riven has the same father but a different mother. With powerful, godly intervention, we were all born at the exact same time and placed in the Gods Veil in the Abandon.”
The throw pillows on the other couch go tumbling to the ground as Riven gets to his feet and stomps out of the room. Thayla goes to call for him, but I place my hand on her knee and shake my head. He can’t handle that reminder.
I knew that, but this has to be said. He knew it was coming.
She lays her hand on mine but never takes her eyes off his door. “So your powers were stripped by the Veil in the Abandon?”
“No. We were placed in the Veil together to receive more power. The God of Obliteration decided we were going to be his test gods. He didn’t care about the damage we’d cause with our births or growing years because we wouldn’t be powerful enough to kill him. He wanted to mend and mold us into unstoppable gods.
“At fifteen, we rebelled. We attacked his forces, trying to get to him, but failed. Derivius swooped in, brought us here, and we were forced to choose. Lose our lives or allow this side’s Gods Veil to strip our power and we live by the rules of the Godsdawn. It’s obvious what we chose.”
Her fingers flinch against my hand, but she doesn’t remove it. I can’t bring myself to look at her, so I can’t read the emotions on her face.
“So you all had all your power at one point in your lives. That’s what Riven meant by you all want your powers back and the predicament you’re in. Is that why your power was…different, stronger over there than what I’ve seen?”
“Only Riven knows what he means when words come out of his mouth, but I’m sure it mostly had to do with our situation. And it’s complicated, but yes, twenty years ago, we were at full strength for our age, plus a touch of the Abandon’s Binding. We weren’t done growing. It was purer than what we experience now, and we had more abilities. There’s no telling the level of power we’d wield now if we hadn’t been stripped. We’ll always have a touch of the Abandon’s power in us no matter the fact we were stripped here. It shows itself when we cross that barrier.”
“I still don’t understand. I mean, I understand what you said, but are you all waiting to turn into creatures? Are you afraid he’s going to come after you? I’m sure there’s a lot more to the story, and it’s okay you don’t go into detail, but I feel like I’m missing something here.”
“Are you afraid of us?”
I force myself to glance at her. I need to hear and see how she responds to Creed’s dark question. I haven’t even told her the worst of it, and I don’t know if I can right now.
“No more than I always have been. Should I be? None of you answered me about turning into creatures.”
“We won’t be turning into creatures. Our powers are just more layered and stronger than everyone else’s. We’ve passed the age of full maturity, so there’s no telling what our power will look like once we’re given all of it back. That taint will always run in our blood whether we like it or not,” Amick states, but I turn to face her fully.
“You’ve always been afraid of us?”
She worries her bottom lip. “Well, yeah, of course. I was and still am very powerless against all of you. It didn’t help hearing that none of you wanted anything to do with me, but I was stuck here, regardless.”
“You’re our Binder. We’d never hurt you,” I agree with Amick and even Creed grunts.
“How was I supposed to know that? That’s not something I’d ever just assume on my own.”
Because someone has hurt her. That’s why and what she’s not saying.
“Yes, there’s always the chance that god comes after us. Which now includes you. It’s always a fear we’re waiting and prepared for.”
She sighs and slouches back against the couch and brings her mug to her lips. “Great. Another god fucking with us. Damn it. I hate when Riven’s right.”
“As do I.”

We all snort at Amick, and Thayla finally removes her hand from my leg, unfortunately, and she reaches over to pat Amick.
“I won’t call you all out necessarily because you didn’t do that to me, but I sensed the really high tension when I came out here. I know there’s a lot more to your stories than you’re willing to tell right now and that’s okay. I just want you all to know, though, I’m not going to judge you when and if you do tell me. I don’t care what runs through your blood as long as you don’t hurt me or anyone undeserving of that. You were teenagers, so I’ve already chalked it up to you not having a true choice in the matter. I’m not going to treat you all any differently. Especially if you all aren’t mad that I’ve brought another meddling god into your lives.”
With that, Creed stands wordlessly and leaves the room. I pinch my lips together and shake my head in both understanding and disappointment. I was hoping her words might ease something in him.
“Did I say something wrong?”
“No. Creed will never be able to escape the hell he believes he’s been damned to.”
“Amick,” I scold.
“What? It’s the truth. We’ve said those same words she just did for years, and it’s made no difference.”
“Enough, Amick,” Thayla says lightly. “It’s not your story to share with me and I don’t want to hear it from you.”
“Very well,” he says as he awkwardly pats her knee back. I see the smirk she’s trying to fight back, but I let mine shine. “It’s been an oddly emotional day and my chest hurts, so I’m going to bed. Don’t disturb me unless the realm is in danger.”
We both can’t help our laughs at that and he gives us a strange look as he stands. “Enjoy your sleep, Candyman.”
“Thank you, Mysenta.”
My eyebrows rise and Thayla sits a little straighter. “What does that mean?”
“Figure it out.”
She throws a pillow across the living room, but he crosses through his door before it can hit him.
“Do you know what it means?”
“Nope. There’s no telling what language that is coming from his lips.”
“I’ll never figure that shit out then.”
I set my empty mug on the end table beside me and lean forward as I drag the ottoman closer. My chuckles are still falling from my mouth as I kick my feet up and get comfortable.
“Not ready for bed? He’s right. It’s been a long day.”
“I’m going to get comfortable right here. You’re more than welcome to stay out here with me.”
I snatch a blanket out of the basket under the end table and nonchalantly fan it out over us. I know she doesn’t want to go to her room, but I also know she doesn’t want to say that out loud.
Ever so slowly, she passes me her empty mug and spreads her legs out beside mine. I don’t move or push. I just let her get where she wants to be. I hold my breath as she scoots closer, grabs my arm, and places it over her shoulder. Her head nuzzles against my chest and there’s no doubt she hears my heart’s erratic beating.
“I don’t want you to respond to what I’m about to ramble. I couldn’t work up the courage to say it all to them, but I need to get the madness out of my mind, and I really want to trust you with this.”
Yeah, I had a feeling her calm was all for show. So is mine.
I don’t speak out loud. I lay my chin on top of her head and nod.
“Tonight, a Taunter Oblirian got a hold of me. Creed saved me but not before they brought forth fears and emotions I’ve shoved far down. I still feel sick to my stomach. I feel alone, scared, and angry. I’m petrified at whatever the Valories and gods have planned for us. I really thought what I had to tell you would make all of you want to get away from me. I didn’t prepare myself for your news to be ten times worse. I’m kind of freaking out there’s a Beginning God who’s messed with your lives far more than I ever would’ve imagined.
“I don’t want to be a part of the grand scheme of anything. It’s overwhelming to know I’m the Godly Companion to an ancient and revered creature when I don’t feel like I deserve it. Plus, I can only imagine there’s a reason why we’ve been given such a blessing, and it’s got to be a bad one.
“I didn’t believe Mellcom could break my heart any more than he already did with his betrayal, but he did tonight when he used his powers on me. It’s hard accepting the person who once meant more than the realm to you is now dead to you. Yet, he’s still alive and I have to face him every day.
“I don’t have a family, a home, a place or purpose to call my own. I’ve been left or betrayed by everyone in my life who I’ve loved aside from Lambrit. He’s all I have left from my life before now, but I’ll never stand in the way of his new life. No matter what. I’m trying really hard not to grow attached to Yemi, but it’s not working. I really like and appreciate her more than I tell her. Same with all of you.
“I don’t just fear you all because of the physical power you hold over me. You have no idea the true power you all really have, and that terrifies me. You four have the ability to break me completely and that makes me want to run so far away from you all, you could never find me. Even though we’re tied together, I’m pretty sure if one of you could find a way to untie us, you would. Not necessary because you don’t want a Binder, but because Derivius took that choice from us and that’s your way of taking it back. I don’t know what’s scarier. Spending my life as a Binder in this Valtrue or my Valtrue abandoning me. I’ve never opened up to anyone like this in my life and I want to throw up, then die from the shame I feel. I’ll never do this again.”
She takes a deep breath, the first one she’s taken since she started talking, and I swear it sucks the air out of my own lungs. I have to take my time to process each confession she just made. Each one cuts me a little more than the last.
There’re so many unknown layers to the goddess lying vulnerable in my arms right now. I just want to peel each one back until I know every single one of them intimately.
She didn’t have to tell me this is the most open she’s ever been. The tremble beneath her skin says that loud and clear. I honor what she asked of me, though, and don’t say a word despite how much I’d rather comfort her.
I lay my cheek against her head and tighten my arms around her.
Tomorrow, she’s going to wake up and pretend this one-sided conversation never happened. And that’s okay. For now.
I’ve made up my mind. Our situation is figured out. This may not have been exactly what I wanted in the beginning, but that was fear. A fear that’s very much still present, but we’ll work it out with time.
We have a Binder that I want and that I’m going to protect from him.
Not just him. Silently, I swear to fuck any of my brothers up if they dare try to untie us.
Not that she wasn’t already, but she’s now officially stuck with the Abandon brothers.

I love this book

Riven has been…distant.
If I joke or tease him, he’ll give it right back, but he disappears a lot. When I asked him where he keeps going, he told me to mind my business. I didn’t mind my business, though, and as soon as I talked Kyzen into walking me to the Veilatara meadows to see Seismet, the first thing I asked was if he keeps coming there.
My meddling companion had no problem telling me that Riven does, in fact, come to the meadows daily to see Verlet, but he doesn’t spend much time there.
The only other place I can assume he keeps going is Godsden.
I’m not dumb enough to attempt to venture around there alone.
Amick has taken my power training as I call it very seriously. I’m proud to say I can cut any light on in his office or in the house at my command. I still have to hold my hands up or point them to make it come out, but that doesn’t bother me. I honestly think it’s hilarious.
Our next big lesson he’s planning is going to be rough. He wants to move on to teaching me how to starshoot, but that’s going to take a while.
First, he wants me to truly understand how power is released from the Gods Binding and what it’s actually doing inside of my body. I can spot my power whenever I feel it. I just don’t exactly understand what it wants when I feel it, so I have to learn how to read that.
Our power is always present and ready for our command, but apparently, there’re times when it makes itself known because it senses it’s needed even before we do. I’m not sure if that’s really the case with me because I feel the sensation of it multiple times a day.
After all that, he’ll explain how to make my power spread and surround me. I also have to learn more locations than just the Godsdawn if I ever want to actually put this skill to good use.
I can’t read a map to save my life, by the way.
Amick is, honest to the Valories, the best educator I’ve ever had, but his hands-on teaching is driving me crazy.
He’s not doing anything wrong in the way he instructs. It’s literally because he’s so hands-on. I’m either touch-deprived or something is seriously going wrong with me. I think about the things my hands would do to that god constantly.
“Ugh, the little burden is horny again. It’s happening a lot here lately. I believe she needs some help with that.”
My face, that was already heating from my thoughts, blazes as I whip my head in Riven’s direction. Nothing about the situation is helped when the other three stop walking and face me.
Yemi is officially a traitor. She dies laughing and continues walking even though I try to grab her hand.
“What the hell is your problem, Riven? I’m not horny.”
“You are. I can sense it.”
I startle and sneer. “I’m sorry, you can sense it?”
“As we all know, sex can get very chaotic. It creates an energy.” He winks, and I just want to perish right where I stand. “Arousal creates a very distinct type of chaos. Unlike my normal kind that tickles my belly, that kind creates heat with a little bit of pressure. Does that sensation sound familiar? It’s probably what you feel every time you keep getting turned on.”
My brain malfunctions and all I can do is stare at him. I want nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
“There’s no shame in being sexually aroused. It’s a very natural response.”
Nope. Not having this conversation with the god I’m fantasizing about.
I walk away from them. Briskly.
Yemi’s waiting near the end of the path and I narrow my eyes on her smirking face the closer I get to her.
“Thayla, wait up.”
“Nope. I’m not having this conversation, Kyzen. I can’t believe that fucking psycho called me out like that. Gods forbid a girl have some private fantasies in her mind.”
“Wait, so you really were turned on just now? We were just walking…”
I close my eyes and continue to march blindly. Hopefully, I’ll run into something and it’ll knock me unconscious.
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I won’t bring it up.” He laughs as he laces our fingers together and pulls me back. “I won’t tease, I swear. We’re used to Riven doing that. It gets less embarrassing and eventually it won’t even faze you anymore.”
“Oh, so he’s publicly called you out about the reactions your body’s having?”
“Well, this wasn’t really public. It was just us.”
Yes, just them. The four men I fantasize about.
“But yeah, he most certainly has. He literally did it a few days ago.”
“What the hell were you turned on about a few days ago?” I didn’t mean to sound so jealous, but oh well. It’s out there now and his cocky ass is eating it up. I hold my hand up when he bites his smirking lip. “Don’t. I’m seriously not in the mood now. He’s ruined my day and my fantasy.”
“Oh, come on, don’t let him ruin anything. And it was the other morning when you bent over to repull your hair up after our run. I walked in the house thinking about it and he called me out.”
“Seriously? I was sweaty, panting, and had hair all in my face.”
“Perfection is what I call that look, little goddess.”
I can’t do this.
I attempt to walk away again but forget he’s latched onto my hand. Instead of fighting him or this conversation, I just snatch him along with me silently.
“You know I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I’m pretty positive somewhere in the Attendants’ book, there’s a rule about you leaving me when I need to be rescued.”
Yemi chuckles as she falls in step beside me. “There actually is, but it specifies in a life-threatening situation. You looked very much alive back there. If anything, I may have needed to step in and save one of your Valtrue members.”
I gasp, then give her a teasing grin. “You wouldn’t help me kill one of them, then help hide the body?”
“Yeah, of course, but honestly, it’d probably take more than us. They look kind of heavy.”
“That’s true, but I’m sure between you, me, Lambrit, and Rose, we could carry them to the waterfall. We possibly could talk Havar into lending us a carriage.”
“You two do remember one of the men you’re plotting death on is right here, right?”
“I’m well aware.” I cut my eyes over to him and squeeze his hand. “So plan for the day. Finally tour the Gods Sanctum while Amick does his thing with the Chancellors, then we’ll go to the Athenaeum later, right?”
“Right, except I have a teensy favor to ask of you.”
“I’m both nervous and interested since you haven’t asked for absolutely anything.”
“Come with me to the dining hall. Havar asked me to meet him there when we were done for a quick minute. We won’t be eating or anything. Hopefully, we catch him outside before he walks in.”
“Ugh, that dreadful place, but of course I’ll go with you. Then we’ll meet you in the Athenaeum or do you need to stay in the Sanctum today?”
“Nope, I’ll go on to Amick’s office. The only thing on my schedule today is giving you a tour.”
“Sounds like a pretty easy—”
A warm hand sliding into my other one from behind me cuts my words off. I peer down at it, then over my shoulder. Amick walks just enough distance back that he doesn’t trample my heels, but close enough he can grip my fingers entirely with his.
“You okay there, Candyman?”
“I’m fine.”
“Well…what are you doing exactly?”
“Kyzen seems fascinated with holding your hand and Riven did it last week to channel his chaos. I wanted to see what the fuss was about.”
“Could you let her go and not make this an experiment?” Kyzen asks, tugging me slightly closer to him. All the action does is pull Amick and me since he doesn’t let me go.
“Have you never held someone’s hand before?”
“No. Why would I ever need to?”
“Different reasons, I suppose. So what do you think?”
“About your hand? It’s soft, very smooth, just like the rest of your skin I’ve touched.”
That very skin he’s referring to breaks out in chill bumps.
This god, I swear.
“Why have you been touching her?” The subtle ire in Creed’s question is obvious, but I ignore him. He has no say in who can and can’t touch me.
“I meant the hand holding, but thank you for the compliment.”
“It’s strange but not uncomfortable. It grounds me in a foreign sensation that I find I enjoy.”
I press my lips together to hide my smile and look over at Kyzen as he chuckles quietly. Yemi seems fascinated by this entire exchange.
“I’m glad you find this experience or experiment, I guess, enjoyable, Amick.”
“Good because I plan to do it more often.”
My steps slow as I stare at the side of his face, dumbfounded. He doesn’t miss a beat as he releases my hand and walks through Yemi and me. Not another remark or a backward glance as he just keeps making his way to the Athenaeum.
“Bad, bad Thayla. So that’s where those yummy little feelings keep coming from,” Riven whispers in my ear.
I spin around, but his stupid laugh is all that lingers when he starshoots away.
My glare lands on Creed, who looks uncomfortable as his eyes move from my face to Kyzen’s and my hands then back. I wordlessly dare him to add any remarks.
He grunts, then starts moving in the direction of the Court. “I’ll see you later.”
I huff as I start walking once again. “Someone put something funny in the coffee this morning.”
“Yeah.” Yemi snorts. “I’m sure that’s what happened.”
I forcefully keep my face from smiling and hold the ungodly like snort in as the obsidian statues of the Beginning Gods loom a few feet in front of us.
Daily, I spare them a quick glance as I make my way to the Athenaeum, but now, I observe them closely. There are three men and three women. The goddesses wear gowns. The gods wear armor.
Kyzen squeezes my fingers to get my attention. “Can you identify each of them? Without saying their names preferably. I’d hate for one of them to overhear us.”
“Yeah, I believe so.”
From left to right, I begin.
“Goddess of Creation, God of Obliteration, Goddess of Seduction, God of Consequence, Goddess of Accord, and God of Chaos.”
The difference between each, what makes them distinguishable, is the intricately carved letter on their chest that represents what they’re the god or goddess of. Although there are two gods that start with a C, Derivius is obvious. His face is smoothed out and his C matches the one branded on our wrists.
“That’s right. Do you know which one is missing?”
“Yeah. The God of Boundaries. Why is his missing?”
“He’s never had a statue or a temple here since I’ve been here. Maybe the gods’ way of showing him they’re angry at his disappearance. Maybe it was his own doing. I’m not quite sure and I don’t believe he’s ever answered anyone’s questions about it.”
Huh.
Maybe it’s because he realized his counterparts don’t understand what a damn boundary is, so he said the hell with this.
I can’t really blame him.
They’re each standing straight with their hands raised and perched right under the roof of the Sanctum. Just like the first impression I ever got when I saw them, they truly look like they’re holding it up, ready to protect it.
It’s hard for me to fathom that these gods who were created together by the Valories are having a secret war with one another. Spats and disagreements I can understand. That’d be normal, in my opinion, for beings as old as our realm, but war? One wanting to rule the rest?
I don’t understand why.
They were created equally. All with a purpose that served one another when they began using their powers to make the Domain gods.
Greed, boredom. Pitiful excuses are all I can come up with.
I can’t help the chill that travels down my spine as we walk through the giant statues. Their power still pulses everywhere in the Godsdawn but more so here than anywhere else.

“As we all know, I didn’t get to see much of my surroundings on the Veiling Day, but the platform that was set up right in front of the Sanctum, how does the Veil just appear there? Isn’t it in a room somewhere in here?”
“It is, but the side that you all walk out of is an illusion. It can be placed anywhere.”
“I swear I hear more about the Goddess of Illusion and her creations more than any other god.”
“She has her hands in just about everything. She was one of the Beginning Gods’ first beings made, so she and her essence have been around for a long time. You’ll find her power in all of Godsden.”
I don’t miss that emphasis.
I really want to ask if he’s trying to say she’s now on the side of the Abandon or what, but I don’t as I hear footsteps coming our way.
My eyes widen at the person who walks around the corner. “Mrs. Akova?”
“Oh, well, hello, Thayla girl, and please, just Annalise. What a nice surprise seeing you. And with Kyzen. Well, that’s not really a surprise. How are you, dear?”
She holds her arms out and to my shock, Kyzen lets my hand go. His breathtaking smile lights up his face as he returns her hug.
“Couldn’t be better. What’s brought you all the way out here this morning?”
“Oh, you know, that lovely husband of mine left a scroll on the kitchen counter, so I rushed it here before his meeting.”
“Aww, your husband?” I ask with a smile. She didn’t mention her husband the other day. I bet he’s just as sweet as she is.
“Yes, of course, my Ellian.”
Ellian…Ellian…why is that familiar?
“Chancellor Ellian.” Yemi leans in and clarifies.
“Oh,” I say, a little disgruntled, then fix my face. “Oh.”
Luckily, she chuckles at me, then turns to Yemi. “And who might you be, dear?”
“Yemi Andino, ma’am.” Yemi bows lightly, but Mrs. Akova…Annalise tsks at her.
“None of that, sweetheart. The only person who bows to me is my husband.” She winks, causing Kyzen to gag and Yemi and me to laugh. “Speaking of him. Thayla, I swear he isn’t nearly as bad at home as he is here when duty calls. If he gives you too much trouble, you let me know and I’ll take care of him. You must excuse me, though. I need to get to the children before they tear half of Godsden apart. It was lovely seeing you kids.”
She gathers some of her gown in one hand and waves repeatedly to us with the other. I can’t help the smile and small laughs that fall from me as she goes.
“She’s so sweet and funny. I never would’ve guessed she was married to Chancellor Ellian, and I didn’t realize she knew all of you. Well, I guess how she does makes sense now.”
Kyzen turns to me and cocks his head to the side. “What did Riven tell you about her when you met her?”
“Nothing really, other than she’s the caretaker to the kids who were with her.”
He hums and I arch my brow at him. “She was our caretaker as well. We lived with the Akovas for our first few years here. Well, lived is a stretch. We were supposed to live with them, but we kept running away. Ellian was the one who talked the other Chancellors into allowing us to live in our house here rather than wait and they’d still check on us.”
Color me shocked.
There’re so many small details, such as this, that I haven’t considered since he explained the little he did of their past. Now the questions in my mind run wild.
Have they always lived in the same house we now live in? Have they always lived alone? Did they live with their parents while that fucking god did whatever he did?
Their parents…
How could their parents allow this to happen? Were they forced to hand their children over? Are they still alive? Did they ever try to help?
“You still with me, gorgeous?”
I blink my eyes as Kyzen’s thumb runs across my cheek. “Sorry. That’s just not at all what I expected you to say.”
His face says he knows it’s more than that, but he doesn’t push. “Ready to snoop around?”
“Can we actually snoop or are we just going to look at stuff?”
Yemi huffs. “Don’t you think you got in enough trouble with Amick the other day when he caught you going through his desk?”
A sly smirk crosses my face. I wouldn’t call that getting in trouble. He used that stern, smooth tone on me as he lectured me. I couldn’t even focus on the words actually coming out of his mouth.
“I don’t believe she learned her lesson, Yemi.”
I did. Make more of a mess next time.
“Fine, we don’t have to snoop. Besides, everything here looks like it’ll cost me my life if I break it.”
“It’s so stuffy and glamorous. I hate coming here.”
I stop walking just as fast as we started and stare at Kyzen. “Then why are we here? Is that why you try to find stuff to do elsewhere?”
“I figured regardless, it was a good idea to show you around, and yeah, pretty much. My office isn’t like Amick’s where it’s been modified to fit my likes and needs. It’s just a fancy office with a desk, books with the laws, and cabinets that hold my records of the conflicts I’ve had to mediate. It’s nothing worth showing off.”
My frown deepens at his words. He said it all nonchalantly like he does everything else, but it makes my stomach hurt. Out of everyone, Kyzen puts his opinions and feelings aside so he can accomplish his role accurately. Him being biased wouldn’t go over well in certain situations, but I think he’s allowed that mentality to bleed out everywhere.
“Have you added any personal touches to it?”
“No, I don’t see any reason to. I don’t care to spend my time here, so there’s no reason to change the over-the-top design. The next person who uses it will probably like it more than me.”
I want to argue how if the Chancellors and gods expect this shit from him, then his space should be his own, but I keep it to myself.
His use of over-the-top design is spot-on, though. About the entire Sanctum. There’s white and gold marble everywhere we go. The entirety of the place is the same from room to room.
Marble, god statues, portraits of gods, and illusion walls that continue to confuse me.
Each of the Chancellors has their own offices here and their names are engraved on large gold plates that hang from their doors. I sneer and contemplate stealing the High Chancellor’s, but think better of it at Yemi’s pale face when I say that.
I keep it in the back of my mind to mention in Riven’s vicinity.
The things that pique my interest the most, though, are the eleven rooms we don’t have access to. Two of them are the rooms I entered on the Veiling Day. Kyzen and Yemi confirmed that it’s the only day they’re opened to anyone other than Chancellors.
Seven rooms, supposedly, were spaces held by each Beginning God once upon a time. They can only be entered by one of them.
According to Kyzen, there’s no record of whose room is whose or what’s inside of them. He said it drives Amick insane, just like the restricted room in the Athenaeum, but I don’t think it’s only Amick who wants to know.
He stared at the doors with just as much interest as I did.
The power pulsed against my skin as I stood there and observed each door. It didn’t feel welcoming or like a warning, just powerful. I had half a mind to wiggle the handles just to test the theory, but then I got afraid it might strike me dead or something. Me messing with a Beginning God purposely isn’t something I plan to do.
If or when Derivius ever gets on my good side again, I’ll tell him he can make up for his treachery by letting me see in his room.
The other two rooms…well, Kyzen has no clue what they are. No one does. Only the assumption that one of the rooms is the hiding spot for the original Gods Binding. There’re protections in place around them that were put there by the Beginning Gods and not even the Chancellors are aware why or what they’re for.
I’m going to obsess over them.
“Well, this is it,” Kyzen announces as he pushes a door wide very anticlimactically.
I suppress a smirk as I walk through the threshold.
Yep, it’s glitzy and so not him.
The light that shines in from the windows, that I do actually like, makes the room almost unbearably bright. I’m not sure where the white walls end and the white floors begin. The only other color in the room is the dark wooden desk, shelves, and what looks like the cabinet he mentioned.
With a huge smile on my face, I spin toward Kyzen, who’s leaning against the doorframe. His hands are shoved into his pockets and the smirk on his lips is already calling me out on my taurnshit.
“It’s very nice and clean.”
He snorts and shakes his head. “Well, thank you. I told you there wasn’t much to see.”
“There’s plenty to see. It’s a huge room.” I make my way over to the cabinet and attempt to open it but frown when the door won’t budge.
“Got to have my permission for that, gorgeous.”
“Be a sweetheart and give that to me.”
“You can have whatever you want.” My face slackens as his eyes trace over my body.
“Could the two of you allow me to leave before you defile anything?”
I flinch, then scowl at Yemi. “We aren’t defiling anything.”
“We could. Then I’d have some happy memories to think about while I get my work done.”
“Kyzen.”
He chuckles as he lays his palm against the cabinet door and the clicking of a locking mechanism unlatches on the other side. I turn from him and open it before he can pick on my flushing face.
Stack upon stack of folders greet me and I slowly slide the one that’s eye level to me down.
Oh wow, he has really nice handwriting.
I trace his words with my fingers as I read. My brows scrunch together more the farther down the page I go. “You had to mediate a disagreement between Valtrue members who filed a complaint that the dining hall was giving one member more food than the others?”
“Does that surprise you?”
“I mean, a little, yeah. The Attendants don’t get the good shit, but this is complaint and mediation worthy?”
He rubs the back of his neck. “In the eyes of some.”
“Huh. They call you for any little thing?”
“It depends on how liked they are and who they complain to.”
I grunt. “Typical god shit. I say you bring some of these home with you daily so we can laugh about them over coffee. That’ll give us some entertainment.”
“Oh, I bet there’re some juicy ones in there. Probably even some the gods who actually complained would be mortified for others to know about.”
“Yemi, you little gossip. I’m here for it.” I shoot her a sinister smirk.
“What can I say? It may be petty, but there’s some satisfaction knowing your bullies turn around and bitch about the smallest of inconveniences.”
I hum my agreement as I put the file back and shut the cabinet door. “Are we even allowed to look at those?”
“Technically, no.” Kyzen shrugs. “Well, ladies, this concludes my tour. I do hope you both had a grand time at the Gods Sanctum and plan a return trip.”
I snicker as we walk past him through his door and start down the hallway. I enjoyed my time with him and Yemi, but I couldn’t care less about this place. He’d be the only reason I’d return, and he doesn’t even want to spend any more time here than he has to.
My visits will probably become more frequent, though, when I start going back on rotation with all of them. As much as I’ve needed the time I’ve spent with Amick in the Athenaeum, I don’t plan on being stuck there forever.
“Do you think Havar’s made it to the dining hall yet?”
“Probably. I told him we’d be here for about two hours. We’ve been here for about that long, right?”
“Two hours and eight minutes, actually.”
“That’s oddly specific.”
He winks at me and taps his temple. “Internal sunsetter.”
“So you just always know the time or how much time has passed?”
“That I do.”
I don’t know if I’d love or hate that.
We exit the Gods Sanctum the same way we came in but split off with Kyzen as he heads on to the Athenaeum. Sadly, we can see the dining hall from here and Havar’s definitely not out front.
“Damn it, Yemi, we’re going to have to walk in there.”

“I know. The impatient, probably hungry asshole could’ve given us ten minutes.”
“Shouldn’t he already be at the meadows by now anyways?”
“His mentee is going through his first rounds of evaluations this week, so he isn’t supposed to be there for them. He’s thrilled he gets to sleep in and start his day a little later. It’ll go back to normal next week when they start their new lessons. Whatever that entails.”
I don’t respond as she grips the door handle and releases a deep breath. She’s just as unhappy about entering this overcrowded space as I am, but at least we can make this quick.
My eyes instantly start searching through the bodies for long black hair that matches hers. She spots him first and tugs on my elbow as she makes me lead our way.
The luxurious booths are full of gods waiting to be served. Both Attendants and gods in the Plentiful placement are bustling around to get them what they ask for. This is a role and responsibility I could never in a million years see Riven actually doing.
He’d probably spit in someone’s food or flip a table.
“Uh, looks like all the mentors have decided to eat together.”
I cut my eyes at her and she chuckles at the displeasure written across my face. All the men standing around fall quiet as the two of us step up and I immediately want to cuss Havar out for not waiting for us outside.
“About time, you two,” Havar says as he opens his arms and wraps them around Yemi.
“About time, my ass. You couldn’t have given us a few minutes extra before coming in here?”
“Come on, no one’s going to fuck with you while Thayla’s here. Plus, I’m starving. You know how busy it always is.”
“Firstly, no one better fuck with her while I’m not around. Secondly, learn to cook and you wouldn’t have to wait.”
He gasps and teasingly lays his hand to his heart. “I know how to cook, thank you. I just don’t want to.”
“Barely. Give us just a second and we’ll get out of here.”
My eyes widen on Yemi as she drags Havar off to the side, leaving me standing here with five godly men staring at me.
I’m going to kill her.
“Thayla Godrun, right?”
This is not happening.
I plaster on a fake, kind smile for the buff blond-haired god who just stepped toward me. “That’d be me.”
“I’m Collum. I was Havar’s mentor once upon a time. I’ve heard a lot about you around the meadows. I missed the excitement when you visited.”
I look down at his outstretched hand for a second before deciding not to be an ass to Havar’s friends. “I don’t know if excitement is the word I’d use. You did a good job with Havar, though. He was an excellent Escort.”
His warm and large hand engulfs mine. He’s surprisingly gentle with his shake and doesn’t let it linger past the point of becoming weird. “He said your Veiling trip was his best yet. It’s not every day we get to see a Veilatara actually interact with a god. They tolerate us at best, but we appreciate them allowing us in their company.”
Huh…maybe he isn’t like the one who about got his chest caved in by my companion.
“They’re remarkable creatures. I’m very thankful the one who embraced me saw me worthy enough for that honor.”
“It’d be impossible to miss your worth,” he says as he dips his head and my heart pounds in my ribs. “I know Havar gave you and his cousin a tour, but there’s a lot to see. I’d love the opportunity to show you around the meadows if you’d give me that honor.”
My body freezes and my mouth dries out. “Oh…”
“Okay, ready?”
Oh, thank fuck.
“Yeah.” I link my arm through Yemi’s and nervously smile at Havar and Collum. “It was nice to meet you.”
Collum’s sincere smile turns flirty and his eyes glimmer like I just laid a challenge in front of him. “You as well, Thayla. I look forward to seeing you again.”
I practically drag Yemi through the dining hall. I’m pretty sure we’re breaking a couple Attendant rules right now and she keeps attempting to remind me, but I ignore her until we’re out the doors.
“What in the realm are you doing? Did you see all of them looking at us?”
“You left me standing there and Collum tried to ask me out. I was just trying to be nice ’cause he’s Havar’s friend, but talk about awkward.”
Her whole body jerks. “He did what? What did you say?”
“Um, nothing. You thankfully came to my rescue. How weird and uncomfortable. Does he not know who my Valtrue is?”
“Oh, he definitely does. Everyone does. It obviously didn’t deter him, though. Damn, he’s really good-looking and has a high standing in the Plentifuls. He’s on track to be the next lead Meadow Hand.”
“What does any of that matter?”
“I keep forgetting none of this matters to you, like on any level. If he had asked any other god or goddess in there out, they would’ve thrown themselves at his feet. He’s fine, strong, and high in his Designation. I’m pretty sure he’ll have all his power next Veiling as well. Yeah, I’m shocked someone hasn’t snatched him up yet.”
My face twists in disgust. “Are those the standards gods are using to decide who they date?”
“Yeah, pretty much,” she snorts. “Why do you seem so freaked out about it? I’m sure you’d get asked out multiple times a day if one of the guys weren’t around.”
“Because normal men don’t even handle rejection well. I can’t imagine how a godly man getting his pride hurt in front of his friends would. What if he had gotten mad, and we ended up causing a scene?”
“Has…that been your experience with rejecting men?” she asks slowly and I arch an obvious brow. She knows that. She’s experienced it herself. “Okay, yeah. Plus, I’d hate to be in the room with you while you explained to your Valtrue that you’re going on a date.”
“Why? You think they’d freak out?”
“Um, are you serious right now? I think they’d lose their fucking minds.”
We both fall into a fit of laughter as we walk into the Athenaeum. A few angry glares are shot our way, so we lower our voices as we make our way to Amick’s office.
“I don’t think they would. Interrogate me, probably the other god as well, yeah. But I think losing their minds is a stretch.”
“Yeah, okay, tell yourself that all you want. What would you do if one of them said they were going on a date?”
I refrain from squeezing the shit out of her arm again and I force my face to stay as calm and humorous as it’s been. “I don’t know. I guess I’d have to be in that situation to see how I’d react.”
She chuckles and shakes her head. “You all would flip the hell out. They’re all confusingly flirty and protective of you, but if you don’t believe me, test it. It looks like they’re all here anyways.”
Sure enough, Amick’s office door is open, and I make out the bodies of all four of my Valtrue members.
“That’s a risky little experiment. How mortifying would it be if they all laughed and was like okay?”
“Only one way to find out if you’re allowed to date or not.”
“I’m sorry, allowed?”
“That’s the word I used and I’m sticking to it.”
She gives me a saucy grin that I shake my head at while chuckling. On the inside, though, my stomach is rolling. That wasn’t a metaphorical question I asked. What the hell am I supposed to do if they, in fact, do laugh at my ass and say they wouldn’t care?
This is like the whole Lambrit conversation all over again but worse.
I’ve pretty much chalked my life up to fantasizing about them in private since I’m tied to all four of them and they own my damn soul.
It’s not like I can have or want all four of them, but who am I kidding here? No godly man is going to want me and have to share my attention with the four men I live with and am tied to by decree of the Beginning Gods.
That’s also if I continue to hide the bit about my soul.
Yeah, we know our situation is different, but in the eyes of the Godsden, we’re a normal, completed Valtrue. There are standards we’re supposed to follow.
It’s basically written law. Your Valtrue comes first. Everything you do, you’re supposed to do together.
After what Yemi said, there’s no doubt in my mind, Collum just asked me out purely because Seismet paid attention to me. He likes that and wants my attention because of that. Not because of who I am.
I couldn’t see myself forming any true, meaningful relationships regardless of what the guys say.
Might as well find out for shits and giggles, though.
“Fine. Are you going to stand witness to this embarrassment?”
“Absolutely not. I’m not getting in the crossfire. You just let me know how it goes.”
With a mischievous chuckle, she shoves my back to get me moving and I pull my shoulders back as I walk to Amick’s door.
“Well, that was quicker than I—”
“How do you all feel about me dating?”