Zana’s Reviews > The Iliad > Status Update

“My good friend Teucer, lord commander, shoot on like that, and you will be a light for all the Greeks, and Telamon your father, who cared for you when you were just a baby and nurtured you and raised you in his house, although you were an illegitimate son....”

I know he's stating a fact but this sounds like an unintentional diss lol

‘“At dawn, Idaeus must go down to the hollow ships and tell the sons of Atreus the words of Paris, the man who is the cause of this whole conflict. And let him make this sensible suggestion— to please delay the dreadful noise of war until we burn the corpses.”’

Intentional diss???

“First Telamonian Ajax, like a rampart protecting the Greek troops, broke through the line of Trojans, bringing light to his companions. He struck the finest of the Thracian fighters, the son of Eussorus, strong Acamas. He hit the crest-piece of his horsehair plume. The bronze tip stabbed between his eyes and pierced into his skull, and darkness veiled his sight.”

Good morning to everyone but Agamemnon's men

“Aeneas, lord of men, would certainly have died right then and there, had not his mother Aphrodite noticed....

She threw her white arms round him and embraced him and wrapped him up inside her glimmering dress to keep him safe from weapons, so no Greek would gallop up and hurl a spear of bronze to pierce his chest and take his life away. She took her darling son away from battle.”

This really is a D and D campaign

‘“Nestor, old soldier, how I wish your strength of body could still match your vigorous mind. But age, the equalizer, wears you down. I wish some other man was weak like you, and you could still take part with younger men.”’

???????

‘“Do not give up or lose your ardent courage! Our father Zeus will surely not provide help for those liars who were first to break the sacred oaths! The vultures will devour their delicate soft flesh and we shall take their little children and their darling wives home in our ships once we have sacked their town.”’

Okay colonizer

“...One of the overweening Trojan troops will leap upon the mound that marks the tomb of famous Menelaus and declare, ‘May Agamemnon’s anger always end in such futility! He led an army of Greeks to Troy for nothing, then returned home to his fatherland with empty ships, and left brave Menelaus fallen here.’ When they say this, I hope the wide earth gapes to swallow me.”

Agamemnon with NO chill 🙄

‘She spoke and scolded her husband.

“So you came back from the fighting. I wish that you had died out there, defeated by that strong man who used to be my husband....”’

👁️👄👁️

‘“...And I will never service that man’s bed. All of the Trojan women in the future will blame me if I do, and in my heart I will endure more pain than I can measure.”

Glorious Aphrodite, furious, said, “Stubborn girl! You must not make me angry, or in my rage I will abandon you, and start to loathe you with as deep a passion as I have loved you as my friend till now...”’

I literally hate everyone in this book lmao

‘“Father Zeus! No other god could be more cruel than you are! I thought that I would punish Paris for his crimes. But now my sword is broken in my hands! I threw my spear away from me in vain! I did not hit him!”

Then he leapt on Paris, and grabbed him by the shaggy horsehair helmet, twisted him round, and started dragging him towards the well-armed Greeks...’

The hypermasculinity is so unintentionally funny to me