Zana’s Reviews > The Iliad > Status Update

“And in a corner of the sturdy tent Achilles slept with pretty Diomede, whom he had taken prisoner on Lesbos—her father’s name was Phorbas. And Patroclus lay by Achilles on his other side, and well-dressed Iphis lay beside Patroclus—whom glorious Achilles seized for him from lofty Scyros, when he sacked the city of Enyeus.”

👀

“All good, fine men love their own women and take care of them, just as I loved that woman with my heart, although she was a captive of my spear.”

These men are so rapey 😬

“...He has my woman, my own heart’s desire. Well, let him lie with her, let him enjoy her. Why should the Greeks make war against the Trojans? Why did he gather troops and bring us here? Was it not to retrieve a woman, Helen? Are they the only men who love their women, those sons of Atreus?”

Achilles is STILL whining about this shit??? Bruh grow up

“Achilles served the meat and sat to face godlike Odysseus...”

Glazing Odysseus to the point where he got his own spin-off

To make up for stealing Achilles's woman, Agamemnon will give him:

7 new tripods
10 lbs gold
20 bright cauldrons
12 racehorses
7 women from Lesbos (Achilles destroyed their home????)
The woman that Agamemnon stole and which he swears “that I have never gone to bed with her as is the normal way for men and women.”
Loot from Priam
20 Trojan women who aren't as hot as Helen
One of his daughters to marry
7 towns

‘Finally, Diomedes raised his voice.

“No, Agamemnon, you are talking nonsense, and I will be the first to challenge you in public for your folly, as is right. Do not get angry with me now, my lord. You started it, when you insulted me. You called me bad at fighting and a coward among the Greeks, both young and old. They saw it...”’

Oh 🫣

“My good friend Teucer, lord commander, shoot on like that, and you will be a light for all the Greeks, and Telamon your father, who cared for you when you were just a baby and nurtured you and raised you in his house, although you were an illegitimate son....”

I know he's stating a fact but this sounds like an unintentional diss lol

‘“At dawn, Idaeus must go down to the hollow ships and tell the sons of Atreus the words of Paris, the man who is the cause of this whole conflict. And let him make this sensible suggestion— to please delay the dreadful noise of war until we burn the corpses.”’

Intentional diss???

‘But Agamemnon ran up and scolded him.

“Soft Menelaus! ...Let none of them escape the massacre dealt by our deadly hands, not even one! Even the little babies not yet born, whose mothers carry them inside their bellies, will not escape. All males alive in Troy will die, obliterated all at once, with no one left to care for them.”’

👁️👄👁️

“First Telamonian Ajax, like a rampart protecting the Greek troops, broke through the line of Trojans, bringing light to his companions. He struck the finest of the Thracian fighters, the son of Eussorus, strong Acamas. He hit the crest-piece of his horsehair plume. The bronze tip stabbed between his eyes and pierced into his skull, and darkness veiled his sight.”

Good morning to everyone but Agamemnon's men