Zana’s Reviews > The Iliad > Status Update

“His father, noble Polyidus, had often said that he would either waste away at home and die of painful illness, or sail off, joining the other Greeks who went to Troy, and there be killed. So he chose not to suffer the cruel sickness, which would hurt his heart, and not to have to pay the Greeks’ steep fine. But Paris struck him underneath his ear, below the jaw, and then immediately life left his limbs...”

Oh

“But as Pisander lunged forward, Menelaus stabbed his forehead above his nose, right at the bridge, and broke his skull, and popped his eyeballs out.”

JESUS CHRIST

“As chickpeas or black beans jump off a shovel in some large threshing floor, tossed by the breeze and by the force and effort of the thresher—just so the arrow bounced right off the breastplate of Menelaus, master of the war cry—who struck the hand of Helenus, the one holding the polished bow.”

??????

“He stood his ground, as when upon the mountains where humans rarely go, a lonely place, a wild boar meets a band of many hunters—remaining confident of his own strength he stands his ground—along his back, he bristles, his eyes shine bright as fire, he whets his tusks, eager to drive the men and hounds away...”

These similes are outta control 😩😩

“Oilean Ajax sliced through his soft neck and cut his head off, because he was angry about Amphimachus. He swung and pitched the head across the crowd, just like a ball. It landed in the dust at Hector’s feet.”

Omg 💀💀

“How shocking! What a terrible surprise, which I would never have believed could happen—my eyes have seen the Trojans reach our ships! They used to be like frightened deer, who skitter through forests in their vain attempt to flee from jackals, wolves, and panthers, who will eat them. Deer have no courage, no desire to fight.”

Poseidon with that roast 😳

“Patriotism is the one true bird.”

The American in me: 🦅🎆🦅🎇🦅

“The Greeks were hard-pressed, but they had to fight to save their ships. And all the gods who favored the Greeks in battle were distressed at heart.”

This is literally just gods placing polymarket and kalshi bets on war huh

“He stepped so slowly, his legs were barely moving—just as when farmers and dogs drive from a cattle pen a tawny lion, and stay up all night in case he seizes some fat calf—the lion is yearning for some meat but cannot get it—javelins and blazing cudgels fly at him from brave strong hands, and make him turn away at dawn, despite his eagerness—he leaves, frustrated in his heart...”

These similes are outta control

“Oileus jumped from the chariot and hurtled headlong straight at Agamemnon, who drove his sharp spear through his eager forehead. The thick bronze helmet could not stop the blade. It drove right through the metal to the bone. Inside his skull his brains were turned to mush, despite his eager courage.”

👁️👄👁️