Julie Padgett’s Reviews > Helping Her Get Free: A Guide for Families and Friends of Abused Women > Status Update

“Using various forms of emotional control, a batterer can gradually brainwash his partner in such a way that she begins to doubt her own abilities, including the ability to change her situation. Furthermore, if his control tactics confuse her sufficiently, she won’t be able to think clearly enough to even decide to leave, much less make a viable, safe plan to leave.”

“Most battered women, then, could benefit from an anchor who acknowledges all of her feelings as neither right nor wrong. They are, simply, hers. For you to criticize her feelings is to fail to recognize her humanity.”

“There can be a fine line between expressing your own feelings and beliefs and being advising, controlling, or judgmental.”

“Children learn from their parents; if they have a parent who uses violence to handle problems within intimate relationships, the children learn that violence is an acceptable way to behave in those relationships.”

“A batterer’s pattern is to isolate his partner and make her totally dependent upon him psychologically and financially, so she can’t easily leave him when his abuse escalates.”

“Potential batterers almost always abuse their partners on an emotional level before they physically abuse them.”

“If an abused woman feels that you are trying to control her life in some way, she is likely to either distance herself from you in an angry attempt to take back control over her life, or allow you to control her life in a passive attempt to minimize conflict between you, to stay connected to you. Whichever way she responds, she does not gain a sense of her own power to make decisions and change in her life.”

“If she has nowhere to go and no one to turn to her partner is freer to abuse her without concern about her leaving the relationship.”

“Most physically abusive relationships begin with emotional abuse.”