Pariap’s Reviews > Água Viva > Status Update

“[…] I have started to communicate so strongly with you that I stopped being while still existing. You became an I. It’s so hard to speak and say things that can’t be said. It’s so silent. How to translate the silence of the real encounter between the two of us?

What am I doing in writing to you? trying to photograph perfume.”


Oh my Clarice….

“I was born hard, heroic, alone, and standing. And I found my counterpoint in the landscape without picturesqueness and without beauty. Ugliness is my banner of war. I love the ugly with the love of equals. And I defy death. I—I am my own death. And no one goes further.”

“In the early hours I awake full of fruit. Who will come to gather the fruit of my life? If not you and I myself? Why is it that things an instant before they happen already seem to have happened? It’s because of the simultaneity of time. And so I ask you questions and these will be many. Because I am a question.”

“At half past three in the morning I woke up. And immediately elastic I jumped out of bed. I came to write you. I mean: be.”

(Midnight creation, wake me tonight!)

“I got used to painting, delving into the intimate nature of things. But now the time to stop painting has come in order to remake myself, I remake myself in these lines. I have a voice. As I throw myself into the line of my drawing, this is an exercise in life without planning. The world has no visible order and all I have is the order of my breath. I let myself happen.”

I no longer want to be I! but I stick to myself-

What you will know of me is the shadow of the arrow that has hit its target.

I then fear myself who knows how to paint the horror, I, creature of echoing caverns that I am, and I suffocate because I am word and also its echo.

I enter the writing slowly as I once entered painting. It is a world tangled up in creepers, syllables, woodbine, colors and words—threshold of an ancestral cavern that is the womb of the world and from it I shall be born.

I’m entering a very new and genuine chapter, curious about itself, so appealing and personal that I can’t paint it or write it. It’s like moments I had with you, when I would love you, moments I couldn’t go past because I descended into their depths.