Bjørn’s Reviews > The Scandinavian Aggressors > Status Update

These were the eyes of a corpse risen from the grave for the sole purpose of climbing atop the roof of the nearest farmhouse and whooping and hollering all through the night like a goddamned lunatic, which only meant one thing: I was looking face-to-face at a draugr.

*faints*

"Reports of the sisterhood's activities had been confined almost entirely to the gossip and mistruth-ridden abyss of the world wide web, where they festered and spread, adopting the larger-than-life status that only the virulent toxicity of the internet can engender."

Brother from another mother. Have I said that already? Well, nothing's changed (except for the worse, by which I mean better).

"Dreaming of drowning,
Claws cleave and carve, your deepest despair–"

"Fodder for the bear!"

We don't deserve Rowdy.

"A viking longship sailing out of the mist with horrible burn marks all over it will strike fear into the heart of anyone who sees it."
"Do you still have this ship? Can I see it?"
"Oh no, it never made it back from Miklagård. We got a Volvo though if you want to see that."

This is the best memoir I've ever read.

I have so many favourite quotes from this one.

"First came the untimely demise of my sturdy Saab-steed. 'Arise!' I commanded it, but my words were powerless. It lay stricken where it was and I had no choice but to call upon the car healers for mending."

I AM IN LURVE

"The Modern Viking Movement began with a bang in the early 21st century when a crew of renegade Norwegian whalers unexpectedly sacked the Holy Island of Lindisfarne off the coast of Northumbria in England, looting a historic monastery's gift shop before accidentally almost razing it to the ground and returning to their ship."